A New Transition: Doctoral Studies!!!

Hello, friends!

I’ve been fairly silent on my transition from teacher to full-time doc student, as well as silent in general in my blogosphere. A look back at my blog reveals that I really only turn to it in times of (challenging) growth. As I close in on the ending of my first semester, I have a lot on my mind. When asked how doc studies are going, I’m not sure if I should nervously laugh, admit that I feel like a total fraud, or let out a sheepish, “fine.” Well, in the thick of final papers and after nearly a semester of coursework, I think I’m finally making some connections - both personal and academic. I’m not looking for any validation here, nor am I feeling terribly pessimistic. I just want to accurately record these fleeting thoughts and grapple with them before I move on to my second semester, become comfortable, and forget how I ever felt as a brand new doc student. This is more for my own posterity than anything else, but if you truly want to know how things are going, take a read!

In full disclosure, I hid this post from anyone with whom I work or attend classes. Everyone has been incredibly welcoming and helpful, but for now, I feel like writing without reservation of what my new colleagues might think. In general, there are three recurring themes throughout the major professional transitions in my relatively short career. They are 1. holy crap, I have no idea what I’m doing; 2. I’m a fraud! They made a mistake!; and 3. OK, I’m learning a lot every day, but I still feel like everyone knows so much more than me. I’ll explore similarities between this transition and my transition from IC to SJV, and comment on the differences.

1. Well, this is it. I’ve officially fallen from my prime to rock bottom. (OK, I’m being REALLY dramatic - I don’t feel like that at all). But I did transition from skating through my MM to feeling like I’m missing a TON of assumed knowledge in my PhD. How does everybody else already know how to design an intervention? Do these people constantly read research all day? Am I the only one who doesn’t know how to or when to run an ANOVA? What the hell is a theoretical framework?! Why are they such a big deal in my social dev class, but rarely discussed in MUED? Help.

Reflecting upon my first semester at SJV, I actually thought a lot of these thoughts. I remember feeling like every other teacher had it together. EVERY OTHER BAND DIRECTOR in Hawai’i knew how to lead their students to success. Their bands sounded awesome and their students were respectful. I was the only one who had no idea what I was doing. OK, so in retrospect, that’s totally normal. One of my favorite people, a third-year doc student who has so kindly taken me under her wing told me that those feelings are completely normal. A prof told me that if I’m not always confused and looking something up, I’m not a real doc student. I remember the confusion and frustration of my first year of teaching. I spent HOURS researching things online, only to feel like I knew less than when I started. Same smell. At least this time around, I hope I can keep proper perspective, and remember that this is a transition and I’ll eventually figure things out. Since starting this program, I’ve had to adjust to the fact that if I don’t know something, it’s totally on me to figure it out. That’s not a problem - I’m a go-getter - but I can’t help but feel that everyone knows so much more than me. OK, I’m the youngest MUED doc student by a decade. Still, everyone seems to have everything figured out. I can only hope that I’ll catch up and then some like I did as a young teacher. It all worked out - I figured things out, ended up with a whole new set of questions, and eventually became comfortable with the uncertainty. Waiting for that calm….any day now…

2. I’m a fraud!!!!! I’m profoundly humbled to have received the largest/most prestigious award that UMD offers. With that honor comes the crushing responsibility of not screwing up. I also feel like mayyyybe they should’ve given it to one of the other 22,000 applicants…just saying. When I realize that I have no idea what I’m doing, or feel like the dumbest person in the room, I feel pretty guilty that the university has invested so heavily in my education. I can only hope that one day, I’m able to live up to the trust placed in me and actually contribute to our field. Until then, I’m trying to ask as many questions to learn as much as possible without revealing that I actually know nothing. This is pretty much exactly how I felt especially during my first year of teaching, but also on some level, every single day. Shhh…don’t give my secret away!!

3. OK, so I have to admit - even though I feel behind, I am learning a ton. I know so much more than when I started just a few short months ago. However, I feel like I’m not learning fast enough, or as much as others. I feel like I should’ve learned all of this already. If I can take a page from my teaching experience, then I should figure things out soon enough and end up doing pretty well for myself. I felt like such failure during my firs year. By the time I left SJV, I realized what a profound impact I had on those around me. What happened in the middle? I can’t really explain it, but things got better. I caught up. I was by no means exemplary or a model teacher, but I figured it out enough to have some success and learn something new each day. I hope that soon enough, I stop feeling like everyone knows something I don’t know. Maybe I’ll actually feel like I got somewhere by the time my dissertation rolls around. Although I can visualize myself completing it, I have no stinkin’ idea what it’ll be on or what kinds of things I’ll have learned to prepare me to tackle that beast.

Now that I’ve considered the similarities to past transitions, I want to acknowledge and give thanks for the the differences. First of all, i miss teaching more than anything. Part of me wants to run back to the classroom where I knew I was moderately successful and felt super knowledgeable and safe. That would be the easy route. I felt the same way when I started teaching - I wanted nothing more than to go back to school, where I knew I would be successful. Hah! School would be so easy, I thought. It’s funny how I feel the same way about returning to teaching.

Despite missing the classroom, there are some pretty fantastic perks of being a full-time student. First of all, I rarely go in five days a week. Lately, I’ve bad a bunch of meetings on Mondays, but for most of the semester, Mondays were my day off. I’d wake up, hit up the local coffee shop, get ahead on work, and then go for a long run. I rarely woke up anxious for the work week because I had the opportunity to ease into it! Also, I get to work out in an incredible gym a few days of the week. I go for nice long swims, lift, or do some cardio. The facilities are beautiful, and I end up returning to my work feeling refreshed. I remember thinking that I’d give anything to have a day off or work out time during the day while I was teaching.

Additionally, I feel entirely free to make my own choices. If I have to leave early or arrive late to office hours because of a doctor’s appointment, I can do so. Nobody is micromanaging me, which is nice because I tend to put in extra work time anyway. We’re all treated as adults and get to make our own decisions. The flip side of that is that I have to make my own decisions, but hey - it’s a chance to experience something less rigid than the elementary school day.

As challenging as some of my assignments are, the biggest stress in my life is just that - homework. If I get a B (which I already have…ugh, but I’m over it), it’s only on me. I don’t let down students or families or have to worry about finding a sub if I’m feeling under the weather. I loved teaching, but it also came with the weight of the world on my shoulders. OK, that’s pretty dramatic - nobody died if I did a poor job, but even though I don’t take myself seriously, I took the job just as seriously as a doctor would take theirs.

Finally, it’s nice to be around adults. I miss the love and honesty from my kids, but enjoy the change of pace as well. My absolute FAVORITE part of the week is taking junior student teachers to a middle school. They are the greatest - they’re so thoughtful, musical, and personable. I love watching them improve each week, and feel the same satisfaction when they have an “aha” moment as when my littlest students did. Something I enjoy is that we can have really involved conversations. I love the way that I’m challenged by my students, and feel that I’m growing and learning as an educator because of them. One of the junior student teachers comes in every Friday to each lunch with me, and that’s the best part of my week. I enjoy have the very conversations that ignited my passion for teaching only a handful of years ago, albeit from the other side.

I guess that’s all I have for now. Clearly, things are good. It’s interesting to be the rookie again, but if I can take a page from my time at SJV, I know it’ll go by so quickly. Maybe I’ll figure things out - whatever that means - and won’t ever look back. Or maybe I’ll be so jaded by academia in a few years that I run straight for the elementary music classroom with my new title in hand and hopefully a nice salary bump following closely behind. Either way, I’m looking forward to getting as much out of this opportunity as I can, and to Christmas vacation/Hawaii!!! Ahhh! Three more weeks! Let’s do this!!!

A Band of Humans

Today, I:

Woke up kind of stressed, kind of unsure of myself and this job, and pretty anxious. I realized that I hadn't been managing my anxiety well recently and was in need of more personal balance despite being completely devoted to growing this small music program.

Felt like I was boring my young string beginners by talking too much. It's really hard to balance getting them TONS of new information about their orchestra program and my policies and getting to play lots. They are also so young and need a lot of reminding about posture, etc.

Felt refreshed after honors literature - even though it was a vocabulary day and we didn't get much else done, I really am feeling like the students and I are connecting well and are able to be honest with one another.

Got some important stuff done. I realized that I didn't need to do everything all at once - I need to get comfortable with the fact that I will die with items in my inbox - and got things done that needed to get done.

Was expecting a rough rehearsal with concert band because the older students are slower to take to higher expectations and much change since they have been playing for a whole year without putting much practice or effort into their music. They all arrived on time or early, and the one who told me he was going to skip cause he forgot to do homework immediately changed his mind after I spoke with him and told him how important it is that he be there with us and not skip rehearsal. The concert b-flat scale is sounding much better (though far from perfect) and they took to my new policies (weekly practice sheets requiring five practice sessions of thirty minutes and music theory worksheets) like good sports. We made a bit of progress on the catchy method book blues rock song we are learning, but not enough. I informed them of their first playing test this Thursday and they seemed to take the news well. I am probably holding them to higher standards than they are ready for, but they are being very mature and they all thanked me before leaving the hall. I was stunned. This was the rehearsal I was dreading most, and it turned into the best. I think that the difference came when I asked them about their weekends. I've been so tuned in to "building the program" that I admittedly forgot that I am working with human beings. We shared a bit about our lives and it made all the difference. Lesson learned. I wish I could've showed more of my personal side during student teaching - again, I was so focused on improving lesson plans and rehearsal techniques and helping to prepare for a concert that it took me until the last week or so to realize that I can still have high standards and have a little fun. Maybe the chatting before rehearsal cuts into two or three minutes where we could be rehearsing more, but I honestly don't care - it's worth it.

Replaced my first broken violin string ALONE! It only took an hour. Success.

Identified a couple student leaders who voluntarily came into my room during their PE class because they wanted to run errands for me instead of participating in PE. I had to lol - it was pretty hilarious!

Worked successfully with beginning brass and beginning percussion. Tones are starting to improve and everyone can at least play two notes of a concert b-flat major triad. Woohoo! It is a very humble start, but we can play together, in time, and almost isolate pitches. Some of the students have really, really good sounds! I'm beginning to remember how fun and light you have to keep beginning band - they just want the chance to succeed and to shine - any concert we put on in December (this school hasn't had a standalone instrumental concert in several years, if ever) will be a success. It's not about how much you accomplish, but how well you do it and for what purpose.

Percussion is going great! Both the beginners and the advanced students are making excellent progress (one beginner just played a major scale with arpeggio after about four lessons on glock) and they're really receptive to learning new skills and being challenged. I'm thinking we will write a piece together in the spring and premiere it!

Breathe. It ended well. It was successful. There's no telling what tomorrow will bring, but for today, I interacted with human beings and we pushed forth toward a common goal. I must keep this in mind more. Also, I'm beginning to feel very protective of my students - my co-op teacher in student teaching always expressed to me how protective she felt of her kids, and that's why she would often jump in if a lesson I was teaching needed a little help - she just wanted the best for them. I thought I understood then, but now, I understand so much more - they are great, great kids, and it is my job to work with them and bring them to musical and personal heights.

Lesson learned. Here's to tomorrow! Maybe it will be great, maybe it will be challenging, or maybe it will be both. Let's find out!

Enter the Journey

September is almost here. I meant to update sooner (just like I meant to answer FB happy birthday posts and return to meditation and yoga sooner, too), but life has been nuts. I have pretty much zero balance in my life - every morning (wake up is at 5AM, and I even think that I might need to wake up sooner), every afternoon, and every evening is dominated by work. That being said, I have been waiting four years for this and wouldn't trade it for the world. Let's recap, shall we?

Work has been tough lately. I mean, really tough. Last week was kind of the chaotic low point. We began band rehearsals last week, and I quickly came to realize that I had NFI what I was doing. I can teach pretty well in a small group or private setting, but twenty kids with noisemakers in their hands was an entirely different story. Seriously, nothing in the world could've prepared me for this. I found that, on day three, I needed to redo my classroom management policies since it was just too chaotic, and little was being accomplished. Perhaps more importantly, I needed to lower my expectations. I was so used to teaching privately that I expected my students to learn way more than they actually could with twenty of them and one of me. Lesson learned. Also, after student teaching and doing some research, I decided that I needed to hold my students to the high standards that I would like them to achieve. I wasn't sure what could expect during student teaching, as the students weren't my own, and and didn't know much about what is normal for a high school wind musician. High standards worked well in Glee, but in this case, these students that I have really haven't been held to exceptionally high standards before, so jumping in head first, expecting a ton, didn't work out. It's one thing to have high behavioral expectations (and I do and am constantly striving to hold myself and my students to them), but it's another to have high musical expectations in a program that is just beginning to be rebuilt again. I learned the hard way that it is much better to accomplish something small and do it well than to rush through the plan because I feel like I have to. Lesson learned, the hard (but meaningful) way.

Also, I'd just like to add here that I'm beginning to fear failure less and less. I learn so much from every mistake, that they are beginning to be welcomed and not feared.

I had a rough couple days starting the kids in band, so I decided to switch us to the sectional format. The students have been thriving and are experiencing much more success. Tomorrow, I send home probably the fourth revision of our schedule in two weeks (I feel horrible about this), but it is at the request of the students since they are really learning a lot and I am able to better meet their needs. Again, live and learn.

After a particularly hard day, I felt like I wanted to cry; I felt so, so frustrated. I was a failure after being told by so many people that I'll be a superstar music teacher. I also had no idea how I would get through the day (AND the year). I found myself trying to cry, but totally unable to get anything to come out. I also turned to one of my very favorite professor's books, written about the first year of teaching music, for some advice. I was reminded that plenty of people have jobs (call them first jobs if you like - I have no idea if this will be my first job, only job, last job, or first out of many jobs) like this at first, and they get a ton of experience from it. Also, it seemed that several others were just as overwhelmed with their myriad of responsibilities like I was feeling. Finally, I was also reminded that more than anything, students want to experience success. And I was reminded that I should not overshoot a concert. I guess I was just feeling so successful after Glee that I thought I could shoot for the moon, and even if we miss, we will land among the stars. It's not that we can't shoot for the moon, it's just that we have to take our time in doing so. I felt refreshed, and went about helping students find success the next day. The funny thing is, no matter how bad my day or a situation seems to be, I am finding that there is a little voice deep inside that says "try again tomorrow" without fail. And you know what? I reflect, strive to improve, and tomorrow is better. These mistakes aren't fatal; they are essential to my development.

The next day was so much better. I came with a totally different attitude -- instead of being frustrated that my students weren't moving quicker, I came ready to celebrate any success that they might find, and to cultivate a culture of respect in each ensemble. It was tremendously more successful. It also happened that I was being observed (for the third time since the start of the school year!) by the principal. it couldn't have been better! I guess I learned a hard lesson just in time for an observation. :) Afterward, our principal (whom I am very fond of - he's an outstanding administrator!) wrote me a pretty formal letter of recommendation, sharing that he is very proud to be my administrator, and thanking me for my work at the school thus far. He was so incredibly supportive and seemed to be thrilled with the work I was doing. It helped me to see past that week, and end the week much better than it began. I wrote him after thanking him, and telling him how much it meant to me after such a crazy week. He assured me that there would be several more weeks like this, but encouraged me to reach out to my mentor teachers because they are all here to support and guide me. I couldn't feel more lucky. This is a very small school with limited resources, but it is most certainly not lacking in love or support.

I meant to get more done that weekend, but admittedly did enjoy many social interactions on Saturday. These lifted my soul. Even though there was plenty of work to be done, I did need a break. I had an awesome time with my bf on Saturday night! I'm beginning to feel for the first time in our three to four year relationship that we're having a chance to get to know each other in a different way. We've never been around each other for more than three months at a time, so this is nice! There is no rushing to hang out or get things done together. Also, I feel like our love (or at least mine) is maturing. I feel more capable of reaching compromises rather than getting upset or complaining. My mentor teacher gave me good advice about love the other day: she said that no person is perfect, and as we grow older, we grow a little more different. She said that what's lacking from today's relationships is that people are too ready to throw everything away when something isn't perfect, whereas people of her generation would compromise and strive to be understanding. That really blew me away, because I'm often one to want to throw things away (in any situation, not specificailly a relationship) when they don't go well. She reminded me that love takes work and it is not perfect. Also, in honors literature, we are reading To Kill a Mockingbird. Harper Lee implies that maturity is reached when one can walk in another's shoes. By this definition, I am definitely not mature yet, but I want to work toward this, and I feel myself improving, even if only slightly, everday.

I guess I'll just cut to the chase. Things have been better this week. I have come with a new and improved attitude toward the program and things have improved as a result. I have really, really sweet beginners who come in during lunch and WANT to practice! I also have a killer fifth grade hornist with an ear better than any other fifth grader I've ever worked with. There are a few kids who aren't great about showing up, but that is minor compared to the kids who come running in, ready for band at the start of the rehearsal. I guess my other frustrations this week have been...

That my students don't yet understand what a big deal music is, and don't show the respect to the downbeat of rehearsal and practice that I am used to. I would NEVER show up to band late or unprepared, but I must remember -- it took years for me to develop that. I was silly to expect that overnight, especially when that has never been the expectation. I must cultivate this culture. I have found that it has been easy with the young ones (they run around on the playground saying "early is on time, and on time is late!" but more challenging with the older ones. They aren't used to this, but I finally, on Thursday of the next week, feel like they are warming up to me and are kind of excited about band. Tardiness and attendance is still an issue (I have a very talented student who hasn't been to the last four rehearsals beacuse he forgets...I guess that's what I am up against for not having band in the schedule (it is during lunch and after school)), but it is getting better, and honestly, the change will probably take time. I guess I was expecting everyone to be on board right away, and to be able to begin selecting musically appropriate literature and programming themed concerts. It's not that I can't do that, it's just that I have lots of other smaller steps to take before I can worry about buying music that isn't in the method book and getting super creative. Still, I'm determined to include musicality and creativity everyday, and not just once we are more advanced. It's just really challenging. Once this year's beginners get it, they can help to spread the culture next year, and so forth. If I really love this job and the third graders now grow up with this culture, in a few years, things could really be spectacular. I'll just have to see if the pros outweigh the cons. It's looking a lot more like it will now that it's been a few weeks.

Next, my hall is rented out for community use during the nights and weekends. When I return the next morning, it is almost always not as I left it. Last night, the group LEFT THE FANS RUNNING ALL NIGHT, set the alarm incorrectly, moved around my chairs (WITH NAME TAGS ON THEM) and screwed up the seating for beginning orchestra, and flipped my white board around. It took me about twenty minutes, first thing in the morning, to remedy this. Luckily, the parish staff is insanely supporive and filled with wonderful people. They told me to keep them posted and immediately contacted the group to let them know that they can't do this. They let me know that it won't get better overnight, but to keep them informed everytime it happens. It's nice to have folks on your side.

I must say, though - starting orchestra this week was nothing but joyous! The third and fourth graders take to it SO incredibly naturally. They are very, very respectful and attentive, and seriously a joy to work with! The older orchestral beginners are catching on even quicker, and are serving as beautiful role models for the younger ones. They have great ears and enjoyed tuning their instruments together. They are all so respectful, and since there are only four older ones, we get a ton done. I just spent an hour last night writing emails to parents whose children were excelling (per the awesome recommendation of our principal), and the response from the parents has been incredibly encouraging. So many of my students are off to great start that I can't help but feel happy. My two advanced strings players are already halfway through a duet, too! There is much, much work to be done here, but the students are receptive and a lot of fun to work with. It's not so much that I need to lower my standards as it is that I need to remember that they are seeking success and gently raise my musical standards for them (and NOT overprogram like I was about to)as time goes on. I think that we will have to aim for easier music this year (at least for the advanced students - the beginners will progress normally), but we will aim to do a really, really good job on it.

I've been conducting the eighth graders on their annual church song, and they present their gift of praise tomorrow in mass. I am also playing the portions of the mass on piano for the first time tomorrow, and am both nervous and really excited! At first, the eighth graders were really difficult to work with as a group - some of them (a very select few) were screwing around and not focusing, but today was an entirely different story - they were awesome, super focused, and very respectful. I finally feel like I'm building a solid relationship with them, which will hopefully pay off when I have to solo teach them. I really feel like I'm bonding with the honors literature students, so that helps a lot too. I had one incidient with a student being disrespectful that I can't disclose here, but let's just say that this student in some ways wasn't to blame, and it was handled and is now not an issue. Things are getting better, and I'm beginning to feel more like I'm part of campus life.

On that note, my fellow faculty members are insanely supportive. They are so, so kind, and I feel like everybody is looking out for me and asing me how I'm doing. Really, the love is all around. I couldn't feel more blessed!

Finally, I went back to the former Honolulu Community Concert Band (now the Honolulu Wind Ensemble) this week, despite being exhausted from work, and it was the best thing I could've done for myself! I felt very warmly welcomed back, and even thoguh my endurance was gone after two seconds, it was awesome to play again. The people there are so wonderful, and I truly, truly missed playing horn. I probably won't be studying privately again for a while, but it's OK because my work is cut out for me. No matter how tired I am, I will make it a point to go to rehearsal. I'm beginning to see the importance of being an artist educator, and not a has-been.

OK, forreal, one final thing. I've found that I'm so busy that I have to schedule time in to use the bathroom and drink water, or I'll forget to do it. Weird, huh? Yeah, way weird. Until next time!

Day 2 - Check!

As promised, here is my blog after two days of teaching Glee. I was a little nervous about teaching the class, as I'm not a vocalist and I've never really taught anything on my own (unsupervised, that is) before. As usual, my fears were unfounded, as day one was as smooth as it could've gone! I tried to be super structured, because it sets the tone for the class, and because I've always respected the teachers who had their stuff together on day one. The structure was to everyone's benefit, because everything ran smoothly. The girls are all super sweet, they catch onto dance moves quickly, and they can all match pitch. Hallelujah! We read through Sweet Caroline pretty quickly. In our warm ups a few times I've heard a super good tone, so they're definitely capable of singing really well together. Now, it's my job to encourage that sound as often as possible.

As smoothly as things ran, there were plenty of humbling, thought-provoking moments:
Kids are really intuitive. They can feel the beat well, know exactly when to come in (as long as you are clear enough and are fairly consistent), and don't need nearly as many instructions as I thought they would need. Less talking, more singing!

They are also really smart. They had awesome observations and if you let them, they kind of take the lead. My goal for the rest of the week is to step back more and put them in the driver's seat.

Always have extra materials on hand - a girl was added to my roster over the weekend, and I only noticed fifteen minutes before class. By luck, I had materials to make her a name tag. I would've felt awful had that not happened.

Be on time - I need to set an alarm for myself to make sure we get the girls to lunch on time everyday. I ended class early, but it takes them much longer to gather their belongings than it takes college students.

Check your mailbox everyday, dammit. The attendance was delivered to us yesterday and I assumed the same would happen today, even though I know that it is put in mailboxes from three years of being an aide. Derp, come on, Dana.

Today was mostly focused on analyzing dance routines from Glee. The girls are suuuuper bright and by the end of the day, were identifying the elements that make a routine effective or ineffective. Awesome!

I only had a short while to keep working on Sweet Caroline today. Even through I said that memorization was a bonus, not the goal, I think I tried to cram everything - diction, tone, and memorization into a short amount of time. In the future, I will choose just one or two goals, and keep the pace more relaxed. The girls were getting fidgety, and this was super nitty-gritty work. If it was tedious in college chorus, it was probably tedious for them. Next time, I'll let them take more of the lead - if they are eating it up, we keep going, but if it is not what they're into at that time,I can shift gears. I also like to keep things lighthearted and fun, and I think I may have been too hellbent on good diction, which is a buzz kill. Tomorrow will have more time, songs they have personally requested we sing, and more smiles and a slower pace from me. :)

I'm also starting to see how the timelines for each piece will take shape - I have a little better idea of what is realistic and what takes time. There are also some quick fixes to issues - for example, Sweet Caroline is a little on the high side, and while some girls can sing in their head range with ease, not all can. I think simply transposing down a few steps will fix that. I want to try some harmony tomorrow in Forget You. It might go really well, or it might not. If not, thankfully I have a backup plan. Either way, we will learn something. There are girls who are begging me to sing a solo, so I think I'll split up the verses and give them a chance to do some singing on their own.

While this class isn't too time consuming, there are lots of things I want to try, plan for, or arrange. I also just got a new bike (Yayyy!) and took it for a joy ride around Kailua yesterday. Needless to say, I was exhausted and ready for bed by 7pm last night! Lots going on with my grad party and sister's visit coming up. I don't quite feel overwhelmed, but definitely busy. No time for hanging out much. :(

Even though it's only been two days, I'm already getting a feel for what my first year of teaching will be like. It feels a lot like student teaching, where I'm hyper-aware of what I do and say, I know when something isn't as successful as it could've been, and I don't give myself credit for the things that did go really well. I'm trying to work on that balance, but it is really interested to be my own co-operating teacher. I reflect on every day, just like during student teaching, but now I have to identify my own strengths and weaknesses, and come up with solutions. I'm also trying to keep track of what I do to make sure that the curriculum is balanced.

I'm trying to do more of what I do well, and improve the areas where I am not in sync with the students' needs. Not gonna lie, it's pretty fun! Also, the piano experience is a perk. It's amazing how quickly your chops improve when you have to play warm-ups/chords/lines while watching the girls, listening to their sound, and evaluating. One girl told me I was really good at the piano, and I laughed, and almost told her about how much I had to practice to simply not make a fool of myself in secondary methods (and I still did). I decided to keep an air of mystery about my piano skills, or my good job faking them.

Now that I'm not nervous anymore and have a better idea of how the class will work, it's time to be more student-centered. More after week one is done! :)