Last time I blogged, it was around this time last year. Interestingly, the post was largely about what's going on in my life now. In the past, I’ve used blogging to help me work through challenging transitions. The most challenging transition for me, by far, was my first year of teaching. Blogging helped me to organize my thoughts, reflect on my challenges and successes, and make sense of that unusually difficult time in my life. Eventually, things got better and the blogging took a back seat. I’m just about halfway through my fourth (!!) year of teaching, and realized that it’s time to pick it up again.
Next month, my incredible fiancé (!!!!!!!!) and I will move across the country to Washington, D.C. A bit of history: he’s a naval aviator who wanted a more stable set of shore tour orders. I’ve always loved the east coast, and in order to pursue the career I ultimately want, I, too, needed to seriously consider moving out of Hawaii. We love this place and it will always be our first home together. You can bet your dollar that our pets will have Hawaiian names and that we’ll return as often as possible to this special place so that our kids will come to know and love it as we have. That being said, there are many reasons why we want to start a family back east. First of all, great public schools should not be the exception - they should be the norm. Second, the types of jobs we both ultimately want rarely exist in Hawaii. Third, $$$$$$$$$ does not grow on trees. The best solution that we could come up with for our situation was to move to the Washington, D.C. area. Government/military jobs are plentiful, the arts and education are strongly supported, and it is a beautiful, safe, and enriching place to raise a family. I’m sure that most naval aviators and most music educators would not make the same choice that we have. But then again, he is not a typical naval aviator, and I am not a typical music educator. We march to the beat of our own drum, and this works for us.
That’s the exciting part, and BOY are we super excited! This is exactly what we’ve both wanted for a very long time, and we’re jumping with joy that it actually all worked out. The scary part is the uncertainty. He doesn’t know for sure that he will love this job, and I do not know for sure that a PhD program will even consider accepting me. Beyond that, who’s to say that there will even be a job in the area for a newly-minted PhD? Who’s to say that there will be jobs for someone with his credentials? We are taking risks, and that’s scary. But if you don’t pursue the life you want, then what kind of life is that?
I know that in the near future, we will be very happy. We will live in a super fun and safe young neighborhood. We will participate in a ton of races. We will constantly be in Washington, D.C. to enjoy the sights and attractions of one of the neatest cities on earth. We will eat and drink to our hearts’ content, catch the metro back home, and stumble into our trendy apartment. We already have a ton of our very good friends in the area, and are just a drive away from immediate and close family. Our parents and friends will visit often. We will try new activities, meet new people, and have at least three years sans deployments and crazy work hours. It will be awesome!!
But then there are the first 4-6 months where things will be totally new for me. I’m giving up a job I LOVE. Love is an understatement. I have a program of adoring students, parents, colleagues, and administrators that support me to no end and work together to make incredible musical feats a reality. I run the show, contribute to the larger purpose of our community, and walk away every day feeling fulfilled. Life has become grand, and this job is no longer difficult, but a rewarding challenge. In that sense, it’s time to move on; if the job is no longer pushing me out of my comfort zone, then it probably is time for me to step out of my comfort bubble. I have also forgotten what it is like to not be a full-time, salaried employee with a very stable job and an assistant. Let me clarify: my school and principal are AWESOME, and I will still have a job. I will have part-time, remote work supporting the school in a variety of ways, including throughout the reaccreditation process. I will have things to do and Chris and I will not be starving or struggling. I have saved diligently and if I am so lucky, in the fall, will possibly have the opportunity to pursue what I’ve wanted to pursue since junior year of my undergrad: a PhD in music education. We will get married, honeymoon, I’ll finish my MM, and then we’ll both be busy during normal working hours. But for me, not having something meaningful to do during working hours makes me feel uneasy and restless. He had a great solution: volunteer! I don’t need to get rich, but I need to make the world a better place, one person at a time. I’m not fortunate enough to be born into wealth, so if I must work, I feel the need to be a truly productive member of society. Volunteering would fit that bill. I’ve looked for some part-time, flexible work to complement my other commitments. I can’t take on something full-time because we’ll have SO MUCH to do in order to get settled. I’ll also have other work, and don’t want to be doing it on top of full-time work. I also don’t want to look for a long-term job, as my goal is to immediately pursue further education. I’m trying to balance keeping busy and bringing in a little more income with staying flexible enough to get settled in a new area. If there is one thing I learned from going through the move on this end, it’s that preparing to move (or unpack) as a military significant other is a full time job. I already feel like I’m not getting anything done outside of work here, and can’t imagine trying to get settled in our new location with a new job on my plate that I plan to quit in a couple short months WHILE TRYING TO GET MARRIED AHHHHHH.
So yeah, that’s my dilemma. I think in the mean time, I need to work at being flexible and patient. I’ll begin looking for volunteer opportunities and will do my best to remember all of the exciting things ahead in the midst of all of the sad and difficult things left to do here. Transitions are challenging for me, but this will be the gateway to the life that we want to build together. Here goes nothing!
Showing posts with label Job. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Job. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
A Band of Humans
Today, I:
Woke up kind of stressed, kind of unsure of myself and this job, and pretty anxious. I realized that I hadn't been managing my anxiety well recently and was in need of more personal balance despite being completely devoted to growing this small music program.
Felt like I was boring my young string beginners by talking too much. It's really hard to balance getting them TONS of new information about their orchestra program and my policies and getting to play lots. They are also so young and need a lot of reminding about posture, etc.
Felt refreshed after honors literature - even though it was a vocabulary day and we didn't get much else done, I really am feeling like the students and I are connecting well and are able to be honest with one another.
Got some important stuff done. I realized that I didn't need to do everything all at once - I need to get comfortable with the fact that I will die with items in my inbox - and got things done that needed to get done.
Was expecting a rough rehearsal with concert band because the older students are slower to take to higher expectations and much change since they have been playing for a whole year without putting much practice or effort into their music. They all arrived on time or early, and the one who told me he was going to skip cause he forgot to do homework immediately changed his mind after I spoke with him and told him how important it is that he be there with us and not skip rehearsal. The concert b-flat scale is sounding much better (though far from perfect) and they took to my new policies (weekly practice sheets requiring five practice sessions of thirty minutes and music theory worksheets) like good sports. We made a bit of progress on the catchy method book blues rock song we are learning, but not enough. I informed them of their first playing test this Thursday and they seemed to take the news well. I am probably holding them to higher standards than they are ready for, but they are being very mature and they all thanked me before leaving the hall. I was stunned. This was the rehearsal I was dreading most, and it turned into the best. I think that the difference came when I asked them about their weekends. I've been so tuned in to "building the program" that I admittedly forgot that I am working with human beings. We shared a bit about our lives and it made all the difference. Lesson learned. I wish I could've showed more of my personal side during student teaching - again, I was so focused on improving lesson plans and rehearsal techniques and helping to prepare for a concert that it took me until the last week or so to realize that I can still have high standards and have a little fun. Maybe the chatting before rehearsal cuts into two or three minutes where we could be rehearsing more, but I honestly don't care - it's worth it.
Replaced my first broken violin string ALONE! It only took an hour. Success.
Identified a couple student leaders who voluntarily came into my room during their PE class because they wanted to run errands for me instead of participating in PE. I had to lol - it was pretty hilarious!
Worked successfully with beginning brass and beginning percussion. Tones are starting to improve and everyone can at least play two notes of a concert b-flat major triad. Woohoo! It is a very humble start, but we can play together, in time, and almost isolate pitches. Some of the students have really, really good sounds! I'm beginning to remember how fun and light you have to keep beginning band - they just want the chance to succeed and to shine - any concert we put on in December (this school hasn't had a standalone instrumental concert in several years, if ever) will be a success. It's not about how much you accomplish, but how well you do it and for what purpose.
Percussion is going great! Both the beginners and the advanced students are making excellent progress (one beginner just played a major scale with arpeggio after about four lessons on glock) and they're really receptive to learning new skills and being challenged. I'm thinking we will write a piece together in the spring and premiere it!
Breathe. It ended well. It was successful. There's no telling what tomorrow will bring, but for today, I interacted with human beings and we pushed forth toward a common goal. I must keep this in mind more. Also, I'm beginning to feel very protective of my students - my co-op teacher in student teaching always expressed to me how protective she felt of her kids, and that's why she would often jump in if a lesson I was teaching needed a little help - she just wanted the best for them. I thought I understood then, but now, I understand so much more - they are great, great kids, and it is my job to work with them and bring them to musical and personal heights.
Lesson learned. Here's to tomorrow! Maybe it will be great, maybe it will be challenging, or maybe it will be both. Let's find out!
Woke up kind of stressed, kind of unsure of myself and this job, and pretty anxious. I realized that I hadn't been managing my anxiety well recently and was in need of more personal balance despite being completely devoted to growing this small music program.
Felt like I was boring my young string beginners by talking too much. It's really hard to balance getting them TONS of new information about their orchestra program and my policies and getting to play lots. They are also so young and need a lot of reminding about posture, etc.
Felt refreshed after honors literature - even though it was a vocabulary day and we didn't get much else done, I really am feeling like the students and I are connecting well and are able to be honest with one another.
Got some important stuff done. I realized that I didn't need to do everything all at once - I need to get comfortable with the fact that I will die with items in my inbox - and got things done that needed to get done.
Was expecting a rough rehearsal with concert band because the older students are slower to take to higher expectations and much change since they have been playing for a whole year without putting much practice or effort into their music. They all arrived on time or early, and the one who told me he was going to skip cause he forgot to do homework immediately changed his mind after I spoke with him and told him how important it is that he be there with us and not skip rehearsal. The concert b-flat scale is sounding much better (though far from perfect) and they took to my new policies (weekly practice sheets requiring five practice sessions of thirty minutes and music theory worksheets) like good sports. We made a bit of progress on the catchy method book blues rock song we are learning, but not enough. I informed them of their first playing test this Thursday and they seemed to take the news well. I am probably holding them to higher standards than they are ready for, but they are being very mature and they all thanked me before leaving the hall. I was stunned. This was the rehearsal I was dreading most, and it turned into the best. I think that the difference came when I asked them about their weekends. I've been so tuned in to "building the program" that I admittedly forgot that I am working with human beings. We shared a bit about our lives and it made all the difference. Lesson learned. I wish I could've showed more of my personal side during student teaching - again, I was so focused on improving lesson plans and rehearsal techniques and helping to prepare for a concert that it took me until the last week or so to realize that I can still have high standards and have a little fun. Maybe the chatting before rehearsal cuts into two or three minutes where we could be rehearsing more, but I honestly don't care - it's worth it.
Replaced my first broken violin string ALONE! It only took an hour. Success.
Identified a couple student leaders who voluntarily came into my room during their PE class because they wanted to run errands for me instead of participating in PE. I had to lol - it was pretty hilarious!
Worked successfully with beginning brass and beginning percussion. Tones are starting to improve and everyone can at least play two notes of a concert b-flat major triad. Woohoo! It is a very humble start, but we can play together, in time, and almost isolate pitches. Some of the students have really, really good sounds! I'm beginning to remember how fun and light you have to keep beginning band - they just want the chance to succeed and to shine - any concert we put on in December (this school hasn't had a standalone instrumental concert in several years, if ever) will be a success. It's not about how much you accomplish, but how well you do it and for what purpose.
Percussion is going great! Both the beginners and the advanced students are making excellent progress (one beginner just played a major scale with arpeggio after about four lessons on glock) and they're really receptive to learning new skills and being challenged. I'm thinking we will write a piece together in the spring and premiere it!
Breathe. It ended well. It was successful. There's no telling what tomorrow will bring, but for today, I interacted with human beings and we pushed forth toward a common goal. I must keep this in mind more. Also, I'm beginning to feel very protective of my students - my co-op teacher in student teaching always expressed to me how protective she felt of her kids, and that's why she would often jump in if a lesson I was teaching needed a little help - she just wanted the best for them. I thought I understood then, but now, I understand so much more - they are great, great kids, and it is my job to work with them and bring them to musical and personal heights.
Lesson learned. Here's to tomorrow! Maybe it will be great, maybe it will be challenging, or maybe it will be both. Let's find out!
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Enter the Journey
September is almost here. I meant to update sooner (just like I meant to answer FB happy birthday posts and return to meditation and yoga sooner, too), but life has been nuts. I have pretty much zero balance in my life - every morning (wake up is at 5AM, and I even think that I might need to wake up sooner), every afternoon, and every evening is dominated by work. That being said, I have been waiting four years for this and wouldn't trade it for the world. Let's recap, shall we?
Work has been tough lately. I mean, really tough. Last week was kind of the chaotic low point. We began band rehearsals last week, and I quickly came to realize that I had NFI what I was doing. I can teach pretty well in a small group or private setting, but twenty kids with noisemakers in their hands was an entirely different story. Seriously, nothing in the world could've prepared me for this. I found that, on day three, I needed to redo my classroom management policies since it was just too chaotic, and little was being accomplished. Perhaps more importantly, I needed to lower my expectations. I was so used to teaching privately that I expected my students to learn way more than they actually could with twenty of them and one of me. Lesson learned. Also, after student teaching and doing some research, I decided that I needed to hold my students to the high standards that I would like them to achieve. I wasn't sure what could expect during student teaching, as the students weren't my own, and and didn't know much about what is normal for a high school wind musician. High standards worked well in Glee, but in this case, these students that I have really haven't been held to exceptionally high standards before, so jumping in head first, expecting a ton, didn't work out. It's one thing to have high behavioral expectations (and I do and am constantly striving to hold myself and my students to them), but it's another to have high musical expectations in a program that is just beginning to be rebuilt again. I learned the hard way that it is much better to accomplish something small and do it well than to rush through the plan because I feel like I have to. Lesson learned, the hard (but meaningful) way.
Also, I'd just like to add here that I'm beginning to fear failure less and less. I learn so much from every mistake, that they are beginning to be welcomed and not feared.
I had a rough couple days starting the kids in band, so I decided to switch us to the sectional format. The students have been thriving and are experiencing much more success. Tomorrow, I send home probably the fourth revision of our schedule in two weeks (I feel horrible about this), but it is at the request of the students since they are really learning a lot and I am able to better meet their needs. Again, live and learn.
After a particularly hard day, I felt like I wanted to cry; I felt so, so frustrated. I was a failure after being told by so many people that I'll be a superstar music teacher. I also had no idea how I would get through the day (AND the year). I found myself trying to cry, but totally unable to get anything to come out. I also turned to one of my very favorite professor's books, written about the first year of teaching music, for some advice. I was reminded that plenty of people have jobs (call them first jobs if you like - I have no idea if this will be my first job, only job, last job, or first out of many jobs) like this at first, and they get a ton of experience from it. Also, it seemed that several others were just as overwhelmed with their myriad of responsibilities like I was feeling. Finally, I was also reminded that more than anything, students want to experience success. And I was reminded that I should not overshoot a concert. I guess I was just feeling so successful after Glee that I thought I could shoot for the moon, and even if we miss, we will land among the stars. It's not that we can't shoot for the moon, it's just that we have to take our time in doing so. I felt refreshed, and went about helping students find success the next day. The funny thing is, no matter how bad my day or a situation seems to be, I am finding that there is a little voice deep inside that says "try again tomorrow" without fail. And you know what? I reflect, strive to improve, and tomorrow is better. These mistakes aren't fatal; they are essential to my development.
The next day was so much better. I came with a totally different attitude -- instead of being frustrated that my students weren't moving quicker, I came ready to celebrate any success that they might find, and to cultivate a culture of respect in each ensemble. It was tremendously more successful. It also happened that I was being observed (for the third time since the start of the school year!) by the principal. it couldn't have been better! I guess I learned a hard lesson just in time for an observation. :) Afterward, our principal (whom I am very fond of - he's an outstanding administrator!) wrote me a pretty formal letter of recommendation, sharing that he is very proud to be my administrator, and thanking me for my work at the school thus far. He was so incredibly supportive and seemed to be thrilled with the work I was doing. It helped me to see past that week, and end the week much better than it began. I wrote him after thanking him, and telling him how much it meant to me after such a crazy week. He assured me that there would be several more weeks like this, but encouraged me to reach out to my mentor teachers because they are all here to support and guide me. I couldn't feel more lucky. This is a very small school with limited resources, but it is most certainly not lacking in love or support.
I meant to get more done that weekend, but admittedly did enjoy many social interactions on Saturday. These lifted my soul. Even though there was plenty of work to be done, I did need a break. I had an awesome time with my bf on Saturday night! I'm beginning to feel for the first time in our three to four year relationship that we're having a chance to get to know each other in a different way. We've never been around each other for more than three months at a time, so this is nice! There is no rushing to hang out or get things done together. Also, I feel like our love (or at least mine) is maturing. I feel more capable of reaching compromises rather than getting upset or complaining. My mentor teacher gave me good advice about love the other day: she said that no person is perfect, and as we grow older, we grow a little more different. She said that what's lacking from today's relationships is that people are too ready to throw everything away when something isn't perfect, whereas people of her generation would compromise and strive to be understanding. That really blew me away, because I'm often one to want to throw things away (in any situation, not specificailly a relationship) when they don't go well. She reminded me that love takes work and it is not perfect. Also, in honors literature, we are reading To Kill a Mockingbird. Harper Lee implies that maturity is reached when one can walk in another's shoes. By this definition, I am definitely not mature yet, but I want to work toward this, and I feel myself improving, even if only slightly, everday.
I guess I'll just cut to the chase. Things have been better this week. I have come with a new and improved attitude toward the program and things have improved as a result. I have really, really sweet beginners who come in during lunch and WANT to practice! I also have a killer fifth grade hornist with an ear better than any other fifth grader I've ever worked with. There are a few kids who aren't great about showing up, but that is minor compared to the kids who come running in, ready for band at the start of the rehearsal. I guess my other frustrations this week have been...
That my students don't yet understand what a big deal music is, and don't show the respect to the downbeat of rehearsal and practice that I am used to. I would NEVER show up to band late or unprepared, but I must remember -- it took years for me to develop that. I was silly to expect that overnight, especially when that has never been the expectation. I must cultivate this culture. I have found that it has been easy with the young ones (they run around on the playground saying "early is on time, and on time is late!" but more challenging with the older ones. They aren't used to this, but I finally, on Thursday of the next week, feel like they are warming up to me and are kind of excited about band. Tardiness and attendance is still an issue (I have a very talented student who hasn't been to the last four rehearsals beacuse he forgets...I guess that's what I am up against for not having band in the schedule (it is during lunch and after school)), but it is getting better, and honestly, the change will probably take time. I guess I was expecting everyone to be on board right away, and to be able to begin selecting musically appropriate literature and programming themed concerts. It's not that I can't do that, it's just that I have lots of other smaller steps to take before I can worry about buying music that isn't in the method book and getting super creative. Still, I'm determined to include musicality and creativity everyday, and not just once we are more advanced. It's just really challenging. Once this year's beginners get it, they can help to spread the culture next year, and so forth. If I really love this job and the third graders now grow up with this culture, in a few years, things could really be spectacular. I'll just have to see if the pros outweigh the cons. It's looking a lot more like it will now that it's been a few weeks.
Next, my hall is rented out for community use during the nights and weekends. When I return the next morning, it is almost always not as I left it. Last night, the group LEFT THE FANS RUNNING ALL NIGHT, set the alarm incorrectly, moved around my chairs (WITH NAME TAGS ON THEM) and screwed up the seating for beginning orchestra, and flipped my white board around. It took me about twenty minutes, first thing in the morning, to remedy this. Luckily, the parish staff is insanely supporive and filled with wonderful people. They told me to keep them posted and immediately contacted the group to let them know that they can't do this. They let me know that it won't get better overnight, but to keep them informed everytime it happens. It's nice to have folks on your side.
I must say, though - starting orchestra this week was nothing but joyous! The third and fourth graders take to it SO incredibly naturally. They are very, very respectful and attentive, and seriously a joy to work with! The older orchestral beginners are catching on even quicker, and are serving as beautiful role models for the younger ones. They have great ears and enjoyed tuning their instruments together. They are all so respectful, and since there are only four older ones, we get a ton done. I just spent an hour last night writing emails to parents whose children were excelling (per the awesome recommendation of our principal), and the response from the parents has been incredibly encouraging. So many of my students are off to great start that I can't help but feel happy. My two advanced strings players are already halfway through a duet, too! There is much, much work to be done here, but the students are receptive and a lot of fun to work with. It's not so much that I need to lower my standards as it is that I need to remember that they are seeking success and gently raise my musical standards for them (and NOT overprogram like I was about to)as time goes on. I think that we will have to aim for easier music this year (at least for the advanced students - the beginners will progress normally), but we will aim to do a really, really good job on it.
I've been conducting the eighth graders on their annual church song, and they present their gift of praise tomorrow in mass. I am also playing the portions of the mass on piano for the first time tomorrow, and am both nervous and really excited! At first, the eighth graders were really difficult to work with as a group - some of them (a very select few) were screwing around and not focusing, but today was an entirely different story - they were awesome, super focused, and very respectful. I finally feel like I'm building a solid relationship with them, which will hopefully pay off when I have to solo teach them. I really feel like I'm bonding with the honors literature students, so that helps a lot too. I had one incidient with a student being disrespectful that I can't disclose here, but let's just say that this student in some ways wasn't to blame, and it was handled and is now not an issue. Things are getting better, and I'm beginning to feel more like I'm part of campus life.
On that note, my fellow faculty members are insanely supportive. They are so, so kind, and I feel like everybody is looking out for me and asing me how I'm doing. Really, the love is all around. I couldn't feel more blessed!
Finally, I went back to the former Honolulu Community Concert Band (now the Honolulu Wind Ensemble) this week, despite being exhausted from work, and it was the best thing I could've done for myself! I felt very warmly welcomed back, and even thoguh my endurance was gone after two seconds, it was awesome to play again. The people there are so wonderful, and I truly, truly missed playing horn. I probably won't be studying privately again for a while, but it's OK because my work is cut out for me. No matter how tired I am, I will make it a point to go to rehearsal. I'm beginning to see the importance of being an artist educator, and not a has-been.
OK, forreal, one final thing. I've found that I'm so busy that I have to schedule time in to use the bathroom and drink water, or I'll forget to do it. Weird, huh? Yeah, way weird. Until next time!
Work has been tough lately. I mean, really tough. Last week was kind of the chaotic low point. We began band rehearsals last week, and I quickly came to realize that I had NFI what I was doing. I can teach pretty well in a small group or private setting, but twenty kids with noisemakers in their hands was an entirely different story. Seriously, nothing in the world could've prepared me for this. I found that, on day three, I needed to redo my classroom management policies since it was just too chaotic, and little was being accomplished. Perhaps more importantly, I needed to lower my expectations. I was so used to teaching privately that I expected my students to learn way more than they actually could with twenty of them and one of me. Lesson learned. Also, after student teaching and doing some research, I decided that I needed to hold my students to the high standards that I would like them to achieve. I wasn't sure what could expect during student teaching, as the students weren't my own, and and didn't know much about what is normal for a high school wind musician. High standards worked well in Glee, but in this case, these students that I have really haven't been held to exceptionally high standards before, so jumping in head first, expecting a ton, didn't work out. It's one thing to have high behavioral expectations (and I do and am constantly striving to hold myself and my students to them), but it's another to have high musical expectations in a program that is just beginning to be rebuilt again. I learned the hard way that it is much better to accomplish something small and do it well than to rush through the plan because I feel like I have to. Lesson learned, the hard (but meaningful) way.
Also, I'd just like to add here that I'm beginning to fear failure less and less. I learn so much from every mistake, that they are beginning to be welcomed and not feared.
I had a rough couple days starting the kids in band, so I decided to switch us to the sectional format. The students have been thriving and are experiencing much more success. Tomorrow, I send home probably the fourth revision of our schedule in two weeks (I feel horrible about this), but it is at the request of the students since they are really learning a lot and I am able to better meet their needs. Again, live and learn.
After a particularly hard day, I felt like I wanted to cry; I felt so, so frustrated. I was a failure after being told by so many people that I'll be a superstar music teacher. I also had no idea how I would get through the day (AND the year). I found myself trying to cry, but totally unable to get anything to come out. I also turned to one of my very favorite professor's books, written about the first year of teaching music, for some advice. I was reminded that plenty of people have jobs (call them first jobs if you like - I have no idea if this will be my first job, only job, last job, or first out of many jobs) like this at first, and they get a ton of experience from it. Also, it seemed that several others were just as overwhelmed with their myriad of responsibilities like I was feeling. Finally, I was also reminded that more than anything, students want to experience success. And I was reminded that I should not overshoot a concert. I guess I was just feeling so successful after Glee that I thought I could shoot for the moon, and even if we miss, we will land among the stars. It's not that we can't shoot for the moon, it's just that we have to take our time in doing so. I felt refreshed, and went about helping students find success the next day. The funny thing is, no matter how bad my day or a situation seems to be, I am finding that there is a little voice deep inside that says "try again tomorrow" without fail. And you know what? I reflect, strive to improve, and tomorrow is better. These mistakes aren't fatal; they are essential to my development.
The next day was so much better. I came with a totally different attitude -- instead of being frustrated that my students weren't moving quicker, I came ready to celebrate any success that they might find, and to cultivate a culture of respect in each ensemble. It was tremendously more successful. It also happened that I was being observed (for the third time since the start of the school year!) by the principal. it couldn't have been better! I guess I learned a hard lesson just in time for an observation. :) Afterward, our principal (whom I am very fond of - he's an outstanding administrator!) wrote me a pretty formal letter of recommendation, sharing that he is very proud to be my administrator, and thanking me for my work at the school thus far. He was so incredibly supportive and seemed to be thrilled with the work I was doing. It helped me to see past that week, and end the week much better than it began. I wrote him after thanking him, and telling him how much it meant to me after such a crazy week. He assured me that there would be several more weeks like this, but encouraged me to reach out to my mentor teachers because they are all here to support and guide me. I couldn't feel more lucky. This is a very small school with limited resources, but it is most certainly not lacking in love or support.
I meant to get more done that weekend, but admittedly did enjoy many social interactions on Saturday. These lifted my soul. Even though there was plenty of work to be done, I did need a break. I had an awesome time with my bf on Saturday night! I'm beginning to feel for the first time in our three to four year relationship that we're having a chance to get to know each other in a different way. We've never been around each other for more than three months at a time, so this is nice! There is no rushing to hang out or get things done together. Also, I feel like our love (or at least mine) is maturing. I feel more capable of reaching compromises rather than getting upset or complaining. My mentor teacher gave me good advice about love the other day: she said that no person is perfect, and as we grow older, we grow a little more different. She said that what's lacking from today's relationships is that people are too ready to throw everything away when something isn't perfect, whereas people of her generation would compromise and strive to be understanding. That really blew me away, because I'm often one to want to throw things away (in any situation, not specificailly a relationship) when they don't go well. She reminded me that love takes work and it is not perfect. Also, in honors literature, we are reading To Kill a Mockingbird. Harper Lee implies that maturity is reached when one can walk in another's shoes. By this definition, I am definitely not mature yet, but I want to work toward this, and I feel myself improving, even if only slightly, everday.
I guess I'll just cut to the chase. Things have been better this week. I have come with a new and improved attitude toward the program and things have improved as a result. I have really, really sweet beginners who come in during lunch and WANT to practice! I also have a killer fifth grade hornist with an ear better than any other fifth grader I've ever worked with. There are a few kids who aren't great about showing up, but that is minor compared to the kids who come running in, ready for band at the start of the rehearsal. I guess my other frustrations this week have been...
That my students don't yet understand what a big deal music is, and don't show the respect to the downbeat of rehearsal and practice that I am used to. I would NEVER show up to band late or unprepared, but I must remember -- it took years for me to develop that. I was silly to expect that overnight, especially when that has never been the expectation. I must cultivate this culture. I have found that it has been easy with the young ones (they run around on the playground saying "early is on time, and on time is late!" but more challenging with the older ones. They aren't used to this, but I finally, on Thursday of the next week, feel like they are warming up to me and are kind of excited about band. Tardiness and attendance is still an issue (I have a very talented student who hasn't been to the last four rehearsals beacuse he forgets...I guess that's what I am up against for not having band in the schedule (it is during lunch and after school)), but it is getting better, and honestly, the change will probably take time. I guess I was expecting everyone to be on board right away, and to be able to begin selecting musically appropriate literature and programming themed concerts. It's not that I can't do that, it's just that I have lots of other smaller steps to take before I can worry about buying music that isn't in the method book and getting super creative. Still, I'm determined to include musicality and creativity everyday, and not just once we are more advanced. It's just really challenging. Once this year's beginners get it, they can help to spread the culture next year, and so forth. If I really love this job and the third graders now grow up with this culture, in a few years, things could really be spectacular. I'll just have to see if the pros outweigh the cons. It's looking a lot more like it will now that it's been a few weeks.
Next, my hall is rented out for community use during the nights and weekends. When I return the next morning, it is almost always not as I left it. Last night, the group LEFT THE FANS RUNNING ALL NIGHT, set the alarm incorrectly, moved around my chairs (WITH NAME TAGS ON THEM) and screwed up the seating for beginning orchestra, and flipped my white board around. It took me about twenty minutes, first thing in the morning, to remedy this. Luckily, the parish staff is insanely supporive and filled with wonderful people. They told me to keep them posted and immediately contacted the group to let them know that they can't do this. They let me know that it won't get better overnight, but to keep them informed everytime it happens. It's nice to have folks on your side.
I must say, though - starting orchestra this week was nothing but joyous! The third and fourth graders take to it SO incredibly naturally. They are very, very respectful and attentive, and seriously a joy to work with! The older orchestral beginners are catching on even quicker, and are serving as beautiful role models for the younger ones. They have great ears and enjoyed tuning their instruments together. They are all so respectful, and since there are only four older ones, we get a ton done. I just spent an hour last night writing emails to parents whose children were excelling (per the awesome recommendation of our principal), and the response from the parents has been incredibly encouraging. So many of my students are off to great start that I can't help but feel happy. My two advanced strings players are already halfway through a duet, too! There is much, much work to be done here, but the students are receptive and a lot of fun to work with. It's not so much that I need to lower my standards as it is that I need to remember that they are seeking success and gently raise my musical standards for them (and NOT overprogram like I was about to)as time goes on. I think that we will have to aim for easier music this year (at least for the advanced students - the beginners will progress normally), but we will aim to do a really, really good job on it.
I've been conducting the eighth graders on their annual church song, and they present their gift of praise tomorrow in mass. I am also playing the portions of the mass on piano for the first time tomorrow, and am both nervous and really excited! At first, the eighth graders were really difficult to work with as a group - some of them (a very select few) were screwing around and not focusing, but today was an entirely different story - they were awesome, super focused, and very respectful. I finally feel like I'm building a solid relationship with them, which will hopefully pay off when I have to solo teach them. I really feel like I'm bonding with the honors literature students, so that helps a lot too. I had one incidient with a student being disrespectful that I can't disclose here, but let's just say that this student in some ways wasn't to blame, and it was handled and is now not an issue. Things are getting better, and I'm beginning to feel more like I'm part of campus life.
On that note, my fellow faculty members are insanely supportive. They are so, so kind, and I feel like everybody is looking out for me and asing me how I'm doing. Really, the love is all around. I couldn't feel more blessed!
Finally, I went back to the former Honolulu Community Concert Band (now the Honolulu Wind Ensemble) this week, despite being exhausted from work, and it was the best thing I could've done for myself! I felt very warmly welcomed back, and even thoguh my endurance was gone after two seconds, it was awesome to play again. The people there are so wonderful, and I truly, truly missed playing horn. I probably won't be studying privately again for a while, but it's OK because my work is cut out for me. No matter how tired I am, I will make it a point to go to rehearsal. I'm beginning to see the importance of being an artist educator, and not a has-been.
OK, forreal, one final thing. I've found that I'm so busy that I have to schedule time in to use the bathroom and drink water, or I'll forget to do it. Weird, huh? Yeah, way weird. Until next time!
Friday, May 25, 2012
A Contract!!
I just signed my two contracts for the 2012-2013 school year! One of my contracts is until December, and the other is from january until June. Part of my unique situation is that my first year involves both part-time, full-time, music, and non-music teaching. To me, this is ideal - I will have a chance to ease into teaching by beginning part-time and working with my former music teacher - somebody I respect very, very much. To become full-time, I will take on some non-music teaching responsibilities; what a way to round out my skill set and learn a ton about a new subject myself! I'm not sure exactly what my non-music responsibilities will be yet, but it will involve Algebra, advanced literature, or all/none of the above! I'm definitely up for the challenge, as it will be nice to take a breather from music; additionally, being flexible only helps, never hurts. I seriously can't wait!
As exciting as this all is, my sights are focused on what is up ahead - my summer school teaching job and my first semester. It is looking like summer school will involve teaching an elementary elective music class based on the music and dance from the show Glee. I will be co-teaching with a great friend who happens to be an incredibly talented choreographer and dancer. Once I have a little more alone time (oh yeah, forgot to mention - I graduated summa cum laude from Ithaca College last weekend with the Bachelor of Music degree, and now I'm on vacation with my family!), I will adjust the plans I have already made for the Glee class, and focus more on specific lesson plans.
Next up, three of my very best friends are coming to Hawaii to visit and be tourists for TWO WEEKS in late July!! Woohooooo! I'm beyond excited to welcome them to the Aloha state and to play tourist with them. They will be visiting over the end of my summer job, my 22nd birthday, and the beginning of my year-round job. Things might be a little hectic during that time, but it will be in the best way possible, and I know it will be one of the highlights of my life!
The very next week, I begin part-time work. I'll be spending most of my free time practicing (strings, piano, singing, horn, etc.) and preparing for lessons and ensembles. I also want to learn as much as I can from my mentor teacher. Any other time I have, I'll spend striving to fulfill my personal goals. I might as well take time while I have it to work toward these goals! I might have to play it by ear when it comes to seeing how much free time I actually have, but I'd at least like to approach my first year in the real world with some sort of routine, because I tend to work best when my life consists of some regularity.
Goals:
Run, swim, or bike at least 5x a week; get into decent enough shape to complete a sprint triathalon. I've always had a ton of respect for people who are dedicated enough to keep putting one foot in front of the other - maybe I can do this, too, and maybe it will combat my laziness!!
Meditate daily, and find a meditation group (or a yoga class, perhaps?) I can attend at least once a week.
Prepare the majority of my own meals and eat as healthy and balanced as possible.
Set plans to travel - I want to meet up with my girls in Las Vegas (I've never been, although I'm not really interested in gambling), volunteer in a country that needs it (maybe next summer - for a month or so?), or travel somewhere I've always wanted to go on one of my breaks, just for fun.
I know this falls under my musical duties as an artist educator, but I want to get my horn and piano chops way up - I think that I can make some big improvements with my part-time status, as long as I apply the lessons I learned in undergrad. I'm thinking horn warm ups everyday at 6AM?
Start spending and saving my money wisely.
Use public transportation as much as possible (TheBus, represent! Holla!)
Read as much as possible and continue to learn and grow.
Ok, so this list is pretty ambitious. I'm honestly not sure how much time I will have to do all of these things, even with my part-time status. Of course, if I'm bored to death, I could pick up another part-time job, although I don't think that will be necessary or a wise decision. Maybe this summer, though?
Something I've been toying with is deactivating Facebook, or at least significantly limiting my time on it. Although I spend time on Facebook just like everyone else, I never considered myself someone who wastes huge amounts of time on it - instead, I use any free time I have shamelessly refreshing my newsfeed. Facebook usually doesn't get in the way of my work, but if I am to accomplish any or all of these goals, I might need to take a break from it. Thoughts, friends? I think deactivating it would be a little extreme, and something I wouldn't want to do right away. But perhaps some limits? Like no FB until I've dne my work/exercise/practice/whatever else for the day? I'm curious to hear your thoughts!
Welp, I've written my fair share of words for the day/week/month. Maybe another blog after the memorial day weekend?
Until then, as my Italian prof would always say, ciao ciao ciao ciao ciao, ciao ciao ciao!!!
As exciting as this all is, my sights are focused on what is up ahead - my summer school teaching job and my first semester. It is looking like summer school will involve teaching an elementary elective music class based on the music and dance from the show Glee. I will be co-teaching with a great friend who happens to be an incredibly talented choreographer and dancer. Once I have a little more alone time (oh yeah, forgot to mention - I graduated summa cum laude from Ithaca College last weekend with the Bachelor of Music degree, and now I'm on vacation with my family!), I will adjust the plans I have already made for the Glee class, and focus more on specific lesson plans.
Next up, three of my very best friends are coming to Hawaii to visit and be tourists for TWO WEEKS in late July!! Woohooooo! I'm beyond excited to welcome them to the Aloha state and to play tourist with them. They will be visiting over the end of my summer job, my 22nd birthday, and the beginning of my year-round job. Things might be a little hectic during that time, but it will be in the best way possible, and I know it will be one of the highlights of my life!
The very next week, I begin part-time work. I'll be spending most of my free time practicing (strings, piano, singing, horn, etc.) and preparing for lessons and ensembles. I also want to learn as much as I can from my mentor teacher. Any other time I have, I'll spend striving to fulfill my personal goals. I might as well take time while I have it to work toward these goals! I might have to play it by ear when it comes to seeing how much free time I actually have, but I'd at least like to approach my first year in the real world with some sort of routine, because I tend to work best when my life consists of some regularity.
Goals:
Run, swim, or bike at least 5x a week; get into decent enough shape to complete a sprint triathalon. I've always had a ton of respect for people who are dedicated enough to keep putting one foot in front of the other - maybe I can do this, too, and maybe it will combat my laziness!!
Meditate daily, and find a meditation group (or a yoga class, perhaps?) I can attend at least once a week.
Prepare the majority of my own meals and eat as healthy and balanced as possible.
Set plans to travel - I want to meet up with my girls in Las Vegas (I've never been, although I'm not really interested in gambling), volunteer in a country that needs it (maybe next summer - for a month or so?), or travel somewhere I've always wanted to go on one of my breaks, just for fun.
I know this falls under my musical duties as an artist educator, but I want to get my horn and piano chops way up - I think that I can make some big improvements with my part-time status, as long as I apply the lessons I learned in undergrad. I'm thinking horn warm ups everyday at 6AM?
Start spending and saving my money wisely.
Use public transportation as much as possible (TheBus, represent! Holla!)
Read as much as possible and continue to learn and grow.
Ok, so this list is pretty ambitious. I'm honestly not sure how much time I will have to do all of these things, even with my part-time status. Of course, if I'm bored to death, I could pick up another part-time job, although I don't think that will be necessary or a wise decision. Maybe this summer, though?
Something I've been toying with is deactivating Facebook, or at least significantly limiting my time on it. Although I spend time on Facebook just like everyone else, I never considered myself someone who wastes huge amounts of time on it - instead, I use any free time I have shamelessly refreshing my newsfeed. Facebook usually doesn't get in the way of my work, but if I am to accomplish any or all of these goals, I might need to take a break from it. Thoughts, friends? I think deactivating it would be a little extreme, and something I wouldn't want to do right away. But perhaps some limits? Like no FB until I've dne my work/exercise/practice/whatever else for the day? I'm curious to hear your thoughts!
Welp, I've written my fair share of words for the day/week/month. Maybe another blog after the memorial day weekend?
Until then, as my Italian prof would always say, ciao ciao ciao ciao ciao, ciao ciao ciao!!!
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