September is almost here. I meant to update sooner (just like I meant to answer FB happy birthday posts and return to meditation and yoga sooner, too), but life has been nuts. I have pretty much zero balance in my life - every morning (wake up is at 5AM, and I even think that I might need to wake up sooner), every afternoon, and every evening is dominated by work. That being said, I have been waiting four years for this and wouldn't trade it for the world. Let's recap, shall we?
Work has been tough lately. I mean, really tough. Last week was kind of the chaotic low point. We began band rehearsals last week, and I quickly came to realize that I had NFI what I was doing. I can teach pretty well in a small group or private setting, but twenty kids with noisemakers in their hands was an entirely different story. Seriously, nothing in the world could've prepared me for this. I found that, on day three, I needed to redo my classroom management policies since it was just too chaotic, and little was being accomplished. Perhaps more importantly, I needed to lower my expectations. I was so used to teaching privately that I expected my students to learn way more than they actually could with twenty of them and one of me. Lesson learned. Also, after student teaching and doing some research, I decided that I needed to hold my students to the high standards that I would like them to achieve. I wasn't sure what could expect during student teaching, as the students weren't my own, and and didn't know much about what is normal for a high school wind musician. High standards worked well in Glee, but in this case, these students that I have really haven't been held to exceptionally high standards before, so jumping in head first, expecting a ton, didn't work out. It's one thing to have high behavioral expectations (and I do and am constantly striving to hold myself and my students to them), but it's another to have high musical expectations in a program that is just beginning to be rebuilt again. I learned the hard way that it is much better to accomplish something small and do it well than to rush through the plan because I feel like I have to. Lesson learned, the hard (but meaningful) way.
Also, I'd just like to add here that I'm beginning to fear failure less and less. I learn so much from every mistake, that they are beginning to be welcomed and not feared.
I had a rough couple days starting the kids in band, so I decided to switch us to the sectional format. The students have been thriving and are experiencing much more success. Tomorrow, I send home probably the fourth revision of our schedule in two weeks (I feel horrible about this), but it is at the request of the students since they are really learning a lot and I am able to better meet their needs. Again, live and learn.
After a particularly hard day, I felt like I wanted to cry; I felt so, so frustrated. I was a failure after being told by so many people that I'll be a superstar music teacher. I also had no idea how I would get through the day (AND the year). I found myself trying to cry, but totally unable to get anything to come out. I also turned to one of my very favorite professor's books, written about the first year of teaching music, for some advice. I was reminded that plenty of people have jobs (call them first jobs if you like - I have no idea if this will be my first job, only job, last job, or first out of many jobs) like this at first, and they get a ton of experience from it. Also, it seemed that several others were just as overwhelmed with their myriad of responsibilities like I was feeling. Finally, I was also reminded that more than anything, students want to experience success. And I was reminded that I should not overshoot a concert. I guess I was just feeling so successful after Glee that I thought I could shoot for the moon, and even if we miss, we will land among the stars. It's not that we can't shoot for the moon, it's just that we have to take our time in doing so. I felt refreshed, and went about helping students find success the next day. The funny thing is, no matter how bad my day or a situation seems to be, I am finding that there is a little voice deep inside that says "try again tomorrow" without fail. And you know what? I reflect, strive to improve, and tomorrow is better. These mistakes aren't fatal; they are essential to my development.
The next day was so much better. I came with a totally different attitude -- instead of being frustrated that my students weren't moving quicker, I came ready to celebrate any success that they might find, and to cultivate a culture of respect in each ensemble. It was tremendously more successful. It also happened that I was being observed (for the third time since the start of the school year!) by the principal. it couldn't have been better! I guess I learned a hard lesson just in time for an observation. :) Afterward, our principal (whom I am very fond of - he's an outstanding administrator!) wrote me a pretty formal letter of recommendation, sharing that he is very proud to be my administrator, and thanking me for my work at the school thus far. He was so incredibly supportive and seemed to be thrilled with the work I was doing. It helped me to see past that week, and end the week much better than it began. I wrote him after thanking him, and telling him how much it meant to me after such a crazy week. He assured me that there would be several more weeks like this, but encouraged me to reach out to my mentor teachers because they are all here to support and guide me. I couldn't feel more lucky. This is a very small school with limited resources, but it is most certainly not lacking in love or support.
I meant to get more done that weekend, but admittedly did enjoy many social interactions on Saturday. These lifted my soul. Even though there was plenty of work to be done, I did need a break. I had an awesome time with my bf on Saturday night! I'm beginning to feel for the first time in our three to four year relationship that we're having a chance to get to know each other in a different way. We've never been around each other for more than three months at a time, so this is nice! There is no rushing to hang out or get things done together. Also, I feel like our love (or at least mine) is maturing. I feel more capable of reaching compromises rather than getting upset or complaining. My mentor teacher gave me good advice about love the other day: she said that no person is perfect, and as we grow older, we grow a little more different. She said that what's lacking from today's relationships is that people are too ready to throw everything away when something isn't perfect, whereas people of her generation would compromise and strive to be understanding. That really blew me away, because I'm often one to want to throw things away (in any situation, not specificailly a relationship) when they don't go well. She reminded me that love takes work and it is not perfect. Also, in honors literature, we are reading To Kill a Mockingbird. Harper Lee implies that maturity is reached when one can walk in another's shoes. By this definition, I am definitely not mature yet, but I want to work toward this, and I feel myself improving, even if only slightly, everday.
I guess I'll just cut to the chase. Things have been better this week. I have come with a new and improved attitude toward the program and things have improved as a result. I have really, really sweet beginners who come in during lunch and WANT to practice! I also have a killer fifth grade hornist with an ear better than any other fifth grader I've ever worked with. There are a few kids who aren't great about showing up, but that is minor compared to the kids who come running in, ready for band at the start of the rehearsal. I guess my other frustrations this week have been...
That my students don't yet understand what a big deal music is, and don't show the respect to the downbeat of rehearsal and practice that I am used to. I would NEVER show up to band late or unprepared, but I must remember -- it took years for me to develop that. I was silly to expect that overnight, especially when that has never been the expectation. I must cultivate this culture. I have found that it has been easy with the young ones (they run around on the playground saying "early is on time, and on time is late!" but more challenging with the older ones. They aren't used to this, but I finally, on Thursday of the next week, feel like they are warming up to me and are kind of excited about band. Tardiness and attendance is still an issue (I have a very talented student who hasn't been to the last four rehearsals beacuse he forgets...I guess that's what I am up against for not having band in the schedule (it is during lunch and after school)), but it is getting better, and honestly, the change will probably take time. I guess I was expecting everyone to be on board right away, and to be able to begin selecting musically appropriate literature and programming themed concerts. It's not that I can't do that, it's just that I have lots of other smaller steps to take before I can worry about buying music that isn't in the method book and getting super creative. Still, I'm determined to include musicality and creativity everyday, and not just once we are more advanced. It's just really challenging. Once this year's beginners get it, they can help to spread the culture next year, and so forth. If I really love this job and the third graders now grow up with this culture, in a few years, things could really be spectacular. I'll just have to see if the pros outweigh the cons. It's looking a lot more like it will now that it's been a few weeks.
Next, my hall is rented out for community use during the nights and weekends. When I return the next morning, it is almost always not as I left it. Last night, the group LEFT THE FANS RUNNING ALL NIGHT, set the alarm incorrectly, moved around my chairs (WITH NAME TAGS ON THEM) and screwed up the seating for beginning orchestra, and flipped my white board around. It took me about twenty minutes, first thing in the morning, to remedy this. Luckily, the parish staff is insanely supporive and filled with wonderful people. They told me to keep them posted and immediately contacted the group to let them know that they can't do this. They let me know that it won't get better overnight, but to keep them informed everytime it happens. It's nice to have folks on your side.
I must say, though - starting orchestra this week was nothing but joyous! The third and fourth graders take to it SO incredibly naturally. They are very, very respectful and attentive, and seriously a joy to work with! The older orchestral beginners are catching on even quicker, and are serving as beautiful role models for the younger ones. They have great ears and enjoyed tuning their instruments together. They are all so respectful, and since there are only four older ones, we get a ton done. I just spent an hour last night writing emails to parents whose children were excelling (per the awesome recommendation of our principal), and the response from the parents has been incredibly encouraging. So many of my students are off to great start that I can't help but feel happy. My two advanced strings players are already halfway through a duet, too! There is much, much work to be done here, but the students are receptive and a lot of fun to work with. It's not so much that I need to lower my standards as it is that I need to remember that they are seeking success and gently raise my musical standards for them (and NOT overprogram like I was about to)as time goes on. I think that we will have to aim for easier music this year (at least for the advanced students - the beginners will progress normally), but we will aim to do a really, really good job on it.
I've been conducting the eighth graders on their annual church song, and they present their gift of praise tomorrow in mass. I am also playing the portions of the mass on piano for the first time tomorrow, and am both nervous and really excited! At first, the eighth graders were really difficult to work with as a group - some of them (a very select few) were screwing around and not focusing, but today was an entirely different story - they were awesome, super focused, and very respectful. I finally feel like I'm building a solid relationship with them, which will hopefully pay off when I have to solo teach them. I really feel like I'm bonding with the honors literature students, so that helps a lot too. I had one incidient with a student being disrespectful that I can't disclose here, but let's just say that this student in some ways wasn't to blame, and it was handled and is now not an issue. Things are getting better, and I'm beginning to feel more like I'm part of campus life.
On that note, my fellow faculty members are insanely supportive. They are so, so kind, and I feel like everybody is looking out for me and asing me how I'm doing. Really, the love is all around. I couldn't feel more blessed!
Finally, I went back to the former Honolulu Community Concert Band (now the Honolulu Wind Ensemble) this week, despite being exhausted from work, and it was the best thing I could've done for myself! I felt very warmly welcomed back, and even thoguh my endurance was gone after two seconds, it was awesome to play again. The people there are so wonderful, and I truly, truly missed playing horn. I probably won't be studying privately again for a while, but it's OK because my work is cut out for me. No matter how tired I am, I will make it a point to go to rehearsal. I'm beginning to see the importance of being an artist educator, and not a has-been.
OK, forreal, one final thing. I've found that I'm so busy that I have to schedule time in to use the bathroom and drink water, or I'll forget to do it. Weird, huh? Yeah, way weird. Until next time!
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
I guess the Essential Elements really are essential...
I am tired. And manic.
I have never felt exhaustion and a splitting headache like I have today. Quite frankly, I wasn't sure how I would make it through today. It doesn't sound like much, but I had to get to school early to make several copies, inform teachers of the rehearsal schedule today, pick up the new books for my honors literature class, give a quiz, begin a new book, run a brief percussion orientation, work with the eighth graders in general music to prepare for their upcoming performance, size all students for string instruments, begin our elective offering (intermediate strings: liturgical music), and attend my first Oahu band directors association meeting. This is my light day.
Update: it is 3:49pm the next day. Somehow I survived again, although I'm not sure how. I only had to to teach honors literature in addition to beginning out band students and meeting with concert band for the first time. I realize that this is not a lot to do, but there are so many things, like sorting out rental information, and running off copies, and disinfecting mouthpieces, and making sure that everything is in working order before the students arrive. It was similar today, though maybe better:
Literature was good - it was nice to get back to discussing books after a long week of book tests and housekeeping items and four day weekends. Still, one of my students caught me off guard with a question I couldn't answer about a book, and I felt so bad - up until now, I have been very prepared and totally able to answer any questions that came my way. This time, I couldn't, and it sucked. I am going to make a very clear diagram for them to answer this question, but I still hate it when I feel unprepared, or like I've let somebody down.
Next, was beginning our brass players. Not too bad! Although, we only had fifteen minutes, and by the time they arrived, ten. I didn't get around to helping everyone get set up, but by the end of our first rehearsal this afternoon, they seem to have figured it out, so I guess no harm, no foul.
Next was lunch. I have been hungry for energy lately in a way that is entirely new to me. I ate to my heart's content, but while I was stuffing my face, could only think "this is how so many teachers get fat.". No offense, but you're just exhausted and starved, so you stuff your face and have no time for smaller snacks in between meals, and then get fat cause there's no time for exercise after school. I'm going to deal with the stress of this week and all of these new-found emotions by going for a run this afternoon. Hopefully that will also help with the extremely generous portions of lunch I ate this afternoon.
Next was setting up our woodwind players. Two didn't show - great. The rest got set up just fine, except it's really hard to bounce around from player to player. I just wish I could have half an hour with each student - oh wait, that's how they do it in NY! Those two students I mentioned? They showed up right at the last minute. Luckily they had rehearsal planned for after school. During this half an hour of lunch recess, I kept hearing "Ms. Arbaugh" literally every five seconds. I seriously thought I was going to snap.
After lunch, I stared blankly at the wall. Once I recovered from that, I delivered a few things and picked myself up, deciding that when I had bad days teaching Glee, I simply decided to change my attitude, and things were quickly improved.
I took that approach with our last rehearsal of the day, beginning band rehearsal #1. It was so great to have students in the room, and I thanked them for coming and asked them how they were doing - what a difference! Then, I got them going, played some quick games, and got around to each student. Again, it was really hard to balance a room full of beginners in half an hour, but we did it, and by the end, I was standing up on my makeshift podium, in front of a quiet, attentive ensemble, asking each student to play their first note, one at a time. Everyone found some success with something, and we said our goodbyes.
I did have a broken alto sax to fight with, but I did the best I could with it, closed up the room, chatted with a really neat student while she waited for her mom, and then took off. Breathed. It didn't end so poorly.
In two days, I've already changed my philosophy. Students need structure, and like it. I was going to not used method books and do this whole rote teaching project thing I came up with in creativity. All is not lost, and I'm not abandoning it, I just think I'm going to have to combine it with method books. The students forgot everything I taught them almost immediately - how can I expect them to go home and remember how to hold their instrument without a guide? I was going to start them off with a series of handouts and whatnot that I compiled during my time at IC. I'm beginning to see that not everyone checks their email, and not everyone goes to the website,so I can't expect them to get these handouts, and I can't be making 300 pages of copies a day. I was feeling really overwhelmed, thinking I had to run to the music store, buy books, sticks, oils, whatnot, until I called my co-worker and we came up with a solution: we want these kids to build a relationship with the music store, so off to the store they go! In the mean time, we will lend them our Yamaha band method books and all about strings? Method books to use as a resource. By labor day, they will have gone to the store to buy their materials. We can communicate this through fliers and emails. Done.
Whew. I'm feeling a lot better, but still very overwhelmed. Glee was a breeze for me, and this job started out likewise. However, the last two days have been totally overwhelming, just like student teaching was in weeks two and three, when I felt like I couldn't do anything right. The difference is, this time, nobody is telling me what I'm doing wrong, but I still know. I guess I feel it even more simply because these truly are my kids and I want only the best for them. For now, I just keep plugging on, suddenly only able to think of one day and one moment and one to-do list item at a time. I fix problems as we go, consult with my mentor (thank the Lord for her!), and make a list of things to do diffently in my second year.
Is this what it's like for everyone? At least knowing my students are having fun and making good progress for day one is enough. I just can't possibly see past this week.
Also, personal balance? What is that? I haven't worn anything except work clothes in three days, have failed to respond to anything on Facebook, or do anything except work. Yet somehow, that's ok. This is my new life and my new job. Personal balance can eat it for a while. Just know that come the weekend, once I'm caught up, and come fall break, I'm going to drink heavily. That is all. :)
I have never felt exhaustion and a splitting headache like I have today. Quite frankly, I wasn't sure how I would make it through today. It doesn't sound like much, but I had to get to school early to make several copies, inform teachers of the rehearsal schedule today, pick up the new books for my honors literature class, give a quiz, begin a new book, run a brief percussion orientation, work with the eighth graders in general music to prepare for their upcoming performance, size all students for string instruments, begin our elective offering (intermediate strings: liturgical music), and attend my first Oahu band directors association meeting. This is my light day.
Update: it is 3:49pm the next day. Somehow I survived again, although I'm not sure how. I only had to to teach honors literature in addition to beginning out band students and meeting with concert band for the first time. I realize that this is not a lot to do, but there are so many things, like sorting out rental information, and running off copies, and disinfecting mouthpieces, and making sure that everything is in working order before the students arrive. It was similar today, though maybe better:
Literature was good - it was nice to get back to discussing books after a long week of book tests and housekeeping items and four day weekends. Still, one of my students caught me off guard with a question I couldn't answer about a book, and I felt so bad - up until now, I have been very prepared and totally able to answer any questions that came my way. This time, I couldn't, and it sucked. I am going to make a very clear diagram for them to answer this question, but I still hate it when I feel unprepared, or like I've let somebody down.
Next, was beginning our brass players. Not too bad! Although, we only had fifteen minutes, and by the time they arrived, ten. I didn't get around to helping everyone get set up, but by the end of our first rehearsal this afternoon, they seem to have figured it out, so I guess no harm, no foul.
Next was lunch. I have been hungry for energy lately in a way that is entirely new to me. I ate to my heart's content, but while I was stuffing my face, could only think "this is how so many teachers get fat.". No offense, but you're just exhausted and starved, so you stuff your face and have no time for smaller snacks in between meals, and then get fat cause there's no time for exercise after school. I'm going to deal with the stress of this week and all of these new-found emotions by going for a run this afternoon. Hopefully that will also help with the extremely generous portions of lunch I ate this afternoon.
Next was setting up our woodwind players. Two didn't show - great. The rest got set up just fine, except it's really hard to bounce around from player to player. I just wish I could have half an hour with each student - oh wait, that's how they do it in NY! Those two students I mentioned? They showed up right at the last minute. Luckily they had rehearsal planned for after school. During this half an hour of lunch recess, I kept hearing "Ms. Arbaugh" literally every five seconds. I seriously thought I was going to snap.
After lunch, I stared blankly at the wall. Once I recovered from that, I delivered a few things and picked myself up, deciding that when I had bad days teaching Glee, I simply decided to change my attitude, and things were quickly improved.
I took that approach with our last rehearsal of the day, beginning band rehearsal #1. It was so great to have students in the room, and I thanked them for coming and asked them how they were doing - what a difference! Then, I got them going, played some quick games, and got around to each student. Again, it was really hard to balance a room full of beginners in half an hour, but we did it, and by the end, I was standing up on my makeshift podium, in front of a quiet, attentive ensemble, asking each student to play their first note, one at a time. Everyone found some success with something, and we said our goodbyes.
I did have a broken alto sax to fight with, but I did the best I could with it, closed up the room, chatted with a really neat student while she waited for her mom, and then took off. Breathed. It didn't end so poorly.
In two days, I've already changed my philosophy. Students need structure, and like it. I was going to not used method books and do this whole rote teaching project thing I came up with in creativity. All is not lost, and I'm not abandoning it, I just think I'm going to have to combine it with method books. The students forgot everything I taught them almost immediately - how can I expect them to go home and remember how to hold their instrument without a guide? I was going to start them off with a series of handouts and whatnot that I compiled during my time at IC. I'm beginning to see that not everyone checks their email, and not everyone goes to the website,so I can't expect them to get these handouts, and I can't be making 300 pages of copies a day. I was feeling really overwhelmed, thinking I had to run to the music store, buy books, sticks, oils, whatnot, until I called my co-worker and we came up with a solution: we want these kids to build a relationship with the music store, so off to the store they go! In the mean time, we will lend them our Yamaha band method books and all about strings? Method books to use as a resource. By labor day, they will have gone to the store to buy their materials. We can communicate this through fliers and emails. Done.
Whew. I'm feeling a lot better, but still very overwhelmed. Glee was a breeze for me, and this job started out likewise. However, the last two days have been totally overwhelming, just like student teaching was in weeks two and three, when I felt like I couldn't do anything right. The difference is, this time, nobody is telling me what I'm doing wrong, but I still know. I guess I feel it even more simply because these truly are my kids and I want only the best for them. For now, I just keep plugging on, suddenly only able to think of one day and one moment and one to-do list item at a time. I fix problems as we go, consult with my mentor (thank the Lord for her!), and make a list of things to do diffently in my second year.
Is this what it's like for everyone? At least knowing my students are having fun and making good progress for day one is enough. I just can't possibly see past this week.
Also, personal balance? What is that? I haven't worn anything except work clothes in three days, have failed to respond to anything on Facebook, or do anything except work. Yet somehow, that's ok. This is my new life and my new job. Personal balance can eat it for a while. Just know that come the weekend, once I'm caught up, and come fall break, I'm going to drink heavily. That is all. :)
Friday, August 17, 2012
Some Nights
It seems that the better part of a month has come and gone since my last post. Let's play catch-up:
Parents left to help my west coast grandma move to the east coast
Friends left. :(
Lonely Dana.
Busy Dana. BUSY BUSY BUSY.
General music. Third and fifth grade classes are stinkin' adorable.
Honors Literature gets rollin'. Did I mention that this is my favorite class, yet it has little to do with music? Last week, we compared Fun.'s Some Nights to The Chocolate War. Amazing!
Recruitment! Play instrument demos in every general music class for a week. Everyone seems to want to join band or orchestra.
Inventory what's in the closet (yes, I don't quite have a classroom - I operate out of the school's large assembly hall. We keep our music supplies in a large closet. The closet is insanely packed until rented instruments go out to students.)
Make some great finds - killer Orff instruments, fifty-plus band and orchestra instruments in pretty good shape for a small school. Not bad!
Made a database on Bento, a product by FileMaker. Looks pretty, but very time consuming.
Start practicing piano like a mofo. Goal: play the mass for our next school mass, in less than a month. This includes the holy, memorial acclimation, doxology, great amen, yes lord, alleluia, lamb of God. Practice everyday, slowly, hands separately, hands together, working from the end to the beginning. Practicing like I'm a beginner again (cause I am), without preconceived notions like "I should just be able to do this already," and "this is taking too long." it comes back. Bit by bit, I speed up. I can play the piano again! Hiccups here and there. Go back to a slower speed. Practice more. I forgot how much I enjoyed the piano. Can't wait to begin lessons. :)
Work with some students for a small performance at a weekend event celebrating the Parish's 50th anniversary. They did great! Very proud of them.
Mom and dad are back. Hooray! No more waking up at 4am to feed the cat (she is nearly 17, so we spoil her and feed her when she likes to be fed...several times a day, beginning at 4am).
Keeping up a house is hard work. Remind me to not buy a large house, ever.
Still have not thanked people on Facebook for the birthday wishes...this upcoming weekend, I promise!
Rental forms went out. Not many came back. I thought that for sure, we would recruit more than we had instruments for. I guess it's easy to be interested, but when forms go home, a commitment has to be made, and payment must come in, it's a different story.
Up until this point, it's been hunky-dory. I've had no complaints whatsoever. Everything was playing out according to the plans that I create in the wildest parts of my imagination.
Don't get me wrong, things are good. I love my new job more than I ever could've imagined when I signed the contract. Living at home is great. I'm saving money. Beginning to work out again - finally. Becoming a pianist more and more each day. About to begin practicing horn again. I guess, for the first time, I hit a wall, and it was perhaps the first bit of frustration I've felt in several months.
Let me explain. Starting a new job isn't easy. It takes a while, but it seems that everywhere I go, I meet amazing people, find my niche, and have no problem loving and being loved. Teaching summer school was easy because I had worked there as an aide for three summers. I did run into some trouble starting the glee class because we almost didn't get enough students to run the class, and we did not nearly get enough students to even offer a middle school version. I think it's safe to say that the concert and the happiness and success experienced by the students will fix that issue next year. I have faith that next year, glee will run, and with no shortage of students. I think that I need to work really hard this year so that the same thing happens next year with band and orchestra. Being a young, new teacher doesn't even come close to the loyalty the students have to their favorite teachers. At the first day welcome back assembly, I noticed that the veteran teachers were cheered for, celebrated, and welcomed eagerly by students. Again, I'm not in this profession for an ego boost - I have friends who mean more to me than I could ever tell them, and that's enough - but let's just say that I noticed that I was new. Just like going away to college was a difficult, homesick transition for me, the transition into being a full time teacher will take a while. It won't be overnight, but I have faith that one day, I'm going to wake up and not feel like the new teacher anymore. Things will feel like home.
“One never reaches home,' she said. 'But where paths that have an affinity for each other intersect, the whole world looks like home, for a time.” - Hermann Hesse, Demian
Before that can happen, I have to pay my dues.
It took a week or two, but it was really nice to have several teachers come up to me and tell me that either they have been impressed thus far, or that their students' parents have been emailing them, saying that their kids came home, excited about their new music teacher. In a world where what we do has to please students, parents, colleagues, administrators, and ourselves, that was a huge, welcomed sigh of relief. Now, kids say "hi" to me on the playground, which is really cool! I've seen a number of my students at Starbucks, or simply around Kailua, and they are all really friendly and stop to chat for a bit. I think things are a little less lonely in that sense, although every now and then, I realize that I'm not in college anymore, and long for carefree nights filled with baked goods and duck farts. For example, today begins a four day weekend. I woke up not knowing what to do with myself. Since I'm back home, I obviously know people and have friends, but I don't have that trusty ol' group of bffs like I did in Ithaca. There could never be a dull moment living in 18-07, and to be honest, I long for that. I nipped some boredom in the bud the other day by getting shave ice with my parents after work, but there comes a time when I'm all caught up on work and am ready for a break, and I don't have any live-in friends with whom I can bake some cookies or watch big bang theory and eat delivery. I'm sure that this will all settle into place before I know it, but for now, I'm beginning to notice that things are different.
On the other hand, I am both living and working in my hometown. I was worried about this, because I thought I would feel trapped and bored, like I've Met my lifetime quota for living in Kailua. However, it feels totally different. For one, I feel like I'm on display - if I jaywalk or run across a crosswalk at the last minute, or make an asshole move in traffic, one of my students, co-workers, or students’ parents could easily witness this. This has caused me to be even more scrupulous than I usually am, and I kind of like it. It seems like everytime I go out, I do run into a student. Also, riding the bus has been great - I never really appreciated Hawaii's bus system. I've so far been able to finagle it so that I get on a bus and get dropped off across the street from my house. Pretty convenient, huh? There's no need to get a car right away, and I'm enjoying riding my bike when the weather is nice (95% of the time).
This has been a disgusting mass of information to make up for my lack of blogging, but hopefully it allows the 2-3 readers I have a glimpse into what's been going on. I'll end with a few announcements:
Just made my first student loan payment - it was automatically debited from my account. Yay?
Those who have recently obtained jobs and might be feeling a little lonely or overwhelmed, as I am sometimes feeling - let's keep in touch, stick together, and share our experiences. I am very, very fortunate to be working side-by-side with my former music teacher, who is helping me make the transition into the profession as she makes her transition into retirement. I haven't been too lonely, but on the days when she isn't there, I can see how this would be a lonely, tiring, and demanding job. Don't get me wrong - it's been tremendously rewarding and stimulating, even thus far - it's just that we were just big fish in a medium-sized pond, and we are now little fish, regardless of the size of the pond. We're at the bottom of the pay scale - the first to go in the event of budget cuts, the newest, youngest faculty members. It's quite a transition, but thankfully we have each other. Here's to a great first year! Don't be afraid to pick up the phone and call after a long, trying day.
My students are teaching me more than they realize; I'm feeling totally stimulated and artistically fulfilled preparing lessons for them and seeing them make important connections. This is especially true in the literature class. It's a little harder to see in general music right now, since most of what we are doing is preparing for our upcoming school mass, but improvising with the pentatonic scale with eighth grade last week was pretty neat. Hopefully band and orchestra provide even more of a creative outlet to all involved. I can see how one day, I might choose to specialize a little more, but for now, this jack of all trades (master of none) deal is pretty fun.
Finally - thanks to being year round, I have a two week fall and spring break (and a three week winter break, but I'm probably staying home for that). My parents have travel vouchers to use, and I want to visit friends, so I'm thinking that I'm going to spend a couple days in SF, a day in East Lansing, several days in NYC, a few days in Maryland to visit family, and a few days in Ithaca to see old friends and have some fun. Let me know if you'll be around - let's meet up, and thank you, Catholic Schools, for the sick-nasty break, even if it means a short summer! Yahooooooooo!
Parents left to help my west coast grandma move to the east coast
Friends left. :(
Lonely Dana.
Busy Dana. BUSY BUSY BUSY.
General music. Third and fifth grade classes are stinkin' adorable.
Honors Literature gets rollin'. Did I mention that this is my favorite class, yet it has little to do with music? Last week, we compared Fun.'s Some Nights to The Chocolate War. Amazing!
Recruitment! Play instrument demos in every general music class for a week. Everyone seems to want to join band or orchestra.
Inventory what's in the closet (yes, I don't quite have a classroom - I operate out of the school's large assembly hall. We keep our music supplies in a large closet. The closet is insanely packed until rented instruments go out to students.)
Make some great finds - killer Orff instruments, fifty-plus band and orchestra instruments in pretty good shape for a small school. Not bad!
Made a database on Bento, a product by FileMaker. Looks pretty, but very time consuming.
Start practicing piano like a mofo. Goal: play the mass for our next school mass, in less than a month. This includes the holy, memorial acclimation, doxology, great amen, yes lord, alleluia, lamb of God. Practice everyday, slowly, hands separately, hands together, working from the end to the beginning. Practicing like I'm a beginner again (cause I am), without preconceived notions like "I should just be able to do this already," and "this is taking too long." it comes back. Bit by bit, I speed up. I can play the piano again! Hiccups here and there. Go back to a slower speed. Practice more. I forgot how much I enjoyed the piano. Can't wait to begin lessons. :)
Work with some students for a small performance at a weekend event celebrating the Parish's 50th anniversary. They did great! Very proud of them.
Mom and dad are back. Hooray! No more waking up at 4am to feed the cat (she is nearly 17, so we spoil her and feed her when she likes to be fed...several times a day, beginning at 4am).
Keeping up a house is hard work. Remind me to not buy a large house, ever.
Still have not thanked people on Facebook for the birthday wishes...this upcoming weekend, I promise!
Rental forms went out. Not many came back. I thought that for sure, we would recruit more than we had instruments for. I guess it's easy to be interested, but when forms go home, a commitment has to be made, and payment must come in, it's a different story.
Up until this point, it's been hunky-dory. I've had no complaints whatsoever. Everything was playing out according to the plans that I create in the wildest parts of my imagination.
Don't get me wrong, things are good. I love my new job more than I ever could've imagined when I signed the contract. Living at home is great. I'm saving money. Beginning to work out again - finally. Becoming a pianist more and more each day. About to begin practicing horn again. I guess, for the first time, I hit a wall, and it was perhaps the first bit of frustration I've felt in several months.
Let me explain. Starting a new job isn't easy. It takes a while, but it seems that everywhere I go, I meet amazing people, find my niche, and have no problem loving and being loved. Teaching summer school was easy because I had worked there as an aide for three summers. I did run into some trouble starting the glee class because we almost didn't get enough students to run the class, and we did not nearly get enough students to even offer a middle school version. I think it's safe to say that the concert and the happiness and success experienced by the students will fix that issue next year. I have faith that next year, glee will run, and with no shortage of students. I think that I need to work really hard this year so that the same thing happens next year with band and orchestra. Being a young, new teacher doesn't even come close to the loyalty the students have to their favorite teachers. At the first day welcome back assembly, I noticed that the veteran teachers were cheered for, celebrated, and welcomed eagerly by students. Again, I'm not in this profession for an ego boost - I have friends who mean more to me than I could ever tell them, and that's enough - but let's just say that I noticed that I was new. Just like going away to college was a difficult, homesick transition for me, the transition into being a full time teacher will take a while. It won't be overnight, but I have faith that one day, I'm going to wake up and not feel like the new teacher anymore. Things will feel like home.
“One never reaches home,' she said. 'But where paths that have an affinity for each other intersect, the whole world looks like home, for a time.” - Hermann Hesse, Demian
Before that can happen, I have to pay my dues.
It took a week or two, but it was really nice to have several teachers come up to me and tell me that either they have been impressed thus far, or that their students' parents have been emailing them, saying that their kids came home, excited about their new music teacher. In a world where what we do has to please students, parents, colleagues, administrators, and ourselves, that was a huge, welcomed sigh of relief. Now, kids say "hi" to me on the playground, which is really cool! I've seen a number of my students at Starbucks, or simply around Kailua, and they are all really friendly and stop to chat for a bit. I think things are a little less lonely in that sense, although every now and then, I realize that I'm not in college anymore, and long for carefree nights filled with baked goods and duck farts. For example, today begins a four day weekend. I woke up not knowing what to do with myself. Since I'm back home, I obviously know people and have friends, but I don't have that trusty ol' group of bffs like I did in Ithaca. There could never be a dull moment living in 18-07, and to be honest, I long for that. I nipped some boredom in the bud the other day by getting shave ice with my parents after work, but there comes a time when I'm all caught up on work and am ready for a break, and I don't have any live-in friends with whom I can bake some cookies or watch big bang theory and eat delivery. I'm sure that this will all settle into place before I know it, but for now, I'm beginning to notice that things are different.
On the other hand, I am both living and working in my hometown. I was worried about this, because I thought I would feel trapped and bored, like I've Met my lifetime quota for living in Kailua. However, it feels totally different. For one, I feel like I'm on display - if I jaywalk or run across a crosswalk at the last minute, or make an asshole move in traffic, one of my students, co-workers, or students’ parents could easily witness this. This has caused me to be even more scrupulous than I usually am, and I kind of like it. It seems like everytime I go out, I do run into a student. Also, riding the bus has been great - I never really appreciated Hawaii's bus system. I've so far been able to finagle it so that I get on a bus and get dropped off across the street from my house. Pretty convenient, huh? There's no need to get a car right away, and I'm enjoying riding my bike when the weather is nice (95% of the time).
This has been a disgusting mass of information to make up for my lack of blogging, but hopefully it allows the 2-3 readers I have a glimpse into what's been going on. I'll end with a few announcements:
Just made my first student loan payment - it was automatically debited from my account. Yay?
Those who have recently obtained jobs and might be feeling a little lonely or overwhelmed, as I am sometimes feeling - let's keep in touch, stick together, and share our experiences. I am very, very fortunate to be working side-by-side with my former music teacher, who is helping me make the transition into the profession as she makes her transition into retirement. I haven't been too lonely, but on the days when she isn't there, I can see how this would be a lonely, tiring, and demanding job. Don't get me wrong - it's been tremendously rewarding and stimulating, even thus far - it's just that we were just big fish in a medium-sized pond, and we are now little fish, regardless of the size of the pond. We're at the bottom of the pay scale - the first to go in the event of budget cuts, the newest, youngest faculty members. It's quite a transition, but thankfully we have each other. Here's to a great first year! Don't be afraid to pick up the phone and call after a long, trying day.
My students are teaching me more than they realize; I'm feeling totally stimulated and artistically fulfilled preparing lessons for them and seeing them make important connections. This is especially true in the literature class. It's a little harder to see in general music right now, since most of what we are doing is preparing for our upcoming school mass, but improvising with the pentatonic scale with eighth grade last week was pretty neat. Hopefully band and orchestra provide even more of a creative outlet to all involved. I can see how one day, I might choose to specialize a little more, but for now, this jack of all trades (master of none) deal is pretty fun.
Finally - thanks to being year round, I have a two week fall and spring break (and a three week winter break, but I'm probably staying home for that). My parents have travel vouchers to use, and I want to visit friends, so I'm thinking that I'm going to spend a couple days in SF, a day in East Lansing, several days in NYC, a few days in Maryland to visit family, and a few days in Ithaca to see old friends and have some fun. Let me know if you'll be around - let's meet up, and thank you, Catholic Schools, for the sick-nasty break, even if it means a short summer! Yahooooooooo!
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