Instant Gratification

I meant to blog almost a week ago since things have been really, really great. Then I got busy. Then I got stressed. I had a working document going, but just kept adding to it every little frustration and success, and honestly, I was getting super anal about everything. I got into the car after work and was venting to my dad about how it was both the greatest day ever and the worst day ever. I went from crying in a closet after getting slaps on the wrist from other people who were probably just having bad days, to making music with my students, inspiring, being inspired, and totally loving the job. All of this happened in about two hours. He told me that I just need to chill and stop expecting instant gratification. At first, I was struck, but then I realized - he's totally, totally right. Allow me to give you a much briefer, much more sane, less minute-by-minute recap than I was planning to give.

Thursday and Friday were awesome. Bonded with students, they somehow found out I have a bf, found out I live down the road from some of my students, and we had successful rehearsals.

Relaxing Saturday, Sunday was good but I out off work too much because I was so tired and just so happy to be able to relax. It piled up by Monday morning.

Woke up on Monday to several parent emails, most thanking me for my dedication to their children, one complaining about all of my expectations and emails. Frustrating, and I spent so long crafting an eloquent response that was both firm, inviting, and addressed her many complaints. The day proceeded as such. More emails. You would think that parents would check their email sooner. Hmph.

Lots of little things piling up. So much to do. So much disrespect from some of the general music classes, but also my first time to bond with the students without a mentor teacher. Success and challenge abound.

Decide to run eighth grade general music differently next time, to speak with the students, open up the floor, and establish expectations and consequences (because I'm working with the mentor teacher, we did NOT get to do this on day one cause she has her own (successful) way of running class).

Tuesday was great. And busy. So much correcting. Many of the kids did not do their music theory worksheets because they said they have other homework to do. I am both discouraged and frustrated, but want to be sensitive to their needs. The fourth grade teacher approached me about doing something creative and different for their class song. She is an angel, and I respect her so much. I actually got to get my creative juices flowing for an hour, and gleam all kinds of wisdom from her about classroom management and other things. She shared with me that over half of her students like music class the best, which was a great boost at a time when I really needed it. She also gave me some wisdom regarding the disrespectful classes that helped me feel less like it was something I was doing wrong, and more like an issue that I had to learn to deal with cause certain things are out of my hands. Can't elaborate here, but again, she is a saint, and tells it like it is.

Wednesday, like I said at the beginning, left me feeling immensely frustrated and amazingly inspired. Maybe I am bipolar. I think I have just been taking every challenge and success immediately to head and heart. When reflecting back upon this last week, I see that it was better overall but still challenging. Perhaps that is a better way to recap and assess. Wednesday brought with it a successful eighth grade music class - I learned what the students wanted out of class and how they felt about recently disrespectful classes. We came up with expectations and I realized that 24 out of the 26 students want to be there, so we also came up with individual consequences for outbursts and disrespect. It was 45 minutes well spent. I also started class by shaking their hands as they entered the room, and it could not have been a better we to begin class. However, I had to deal with the two students who were very rude, which used up my whole lunch period (all fifteen minutes), which meant I had a rehearsal to run and no time to eat. One of the lunch ladies graciously wrapped put lunch for me to take home, which was such a beacon of light in an otherwise stressful time. I chatted with our amazing principal about my frustrations with my high standards not being totally embraced, but also about how I want to be sensitive to the students while still pushing them above and beyond. He shared his thoughts with me and assured me that it would take a year or two, but one day I would go, "hey, this works for me!" and have a system. He told me to not get frustrated with myself, but to keep trying things, to encourage students to share their opinions (have a little circle time at the start of class, if you will), and to be sensitive to their activities and other hw. I did as he suggested and got really, really valuable input, the students were more receptive, and I decided, from it all, to have them do their theory worksheets in class when they were bored - and it worked! Classroom management was easier, and they ALL FINISHED! It turns out that they will learn more theory this way than if I was having them do them at home. Our principal was sharing that there is a lot of recent research in hw, and t turns out that only a few types of assignments are actually meaningful. It was hard news to take, but I am so open to it - they obviously have to practice, but if we have students do the work that is meaningful to them, then it won't feel like work and it will actually benefit them. I guess I just feel so torn because I model much of what I do on the great programs I've been exposed to, and I sort of feel like I'm copping out if I don't have them performing at the best level possible, etc. but then there's the part of me that knows how I would like to learn and what is truly most meaningful. Not only have I, yet again, totally revamped my philosophy this week,it will continue, with the help of my students and colleagues, to do so.

I had been feeling a little down cause there is so much to be done here - this is not at all the traditional music program and we won't be, at least not this year, the best band program around by any stretch. If I may be honest, part of my wants to be the best, but I am already beginning to see that this is a new era with a new wave of learners and a new style of teaching, and I am becoming more and more excited about making real, meaningful things happen.