This will be relatively brief, way too happy, and much like my September post - for my posterity, because I seriously can't believe how I feel.
I am the happiest I have ever been. Seriously. This will also focus on me A LOT, because it's been a while since I thought about myself and what I would really like to do with my life.
I remember only two months ago feeling awful anxiety and dread every morning. I felt like I wasn't doing what I wanted to do, I felt like I didn't belong, and I was outrageously unhappy. I longed for junior year, when I felt like everything was awesome - it wasn't perfect, but I was at an exciting time in my journey. I was progressing and learning SO much every day. Every moment was a learning experience.
Well, folks, now is one of those times! Not only have I felt very little anxiety, but I frickin' love work everyday. The kids are sounding so amazing and they come in all the time to practice - even when they don't have to! We're blowing through rep compared to last semester, and picking high-quality rep was the best thing I could've done - they're eating it up! I will need to put out another $300 before the end of the semester to make sure we have enough rep for the concert (I thought I overshot the program, but it turns out that the rep I picked for a whole semester will be done in less than a quarter). General music is going well and the kids are very well behaved and quite engaged. My own classroom management and sense of comfort has improved greatly - I almost never raise my voice anymore (except when trying to corral 20 third graders at a dress rehearsal - working on that one!), and I am much more organized than last semester. I still can improve a lot here, but I am finding that the more organized I can be, the easier my life will be. I feel like this is always the case, though - by the time I figure something out, it's time to move on.
Also, some very exciting opportunities have recently come my way. Can't share now, but I never thought I'd experience one of them at this age, if ever. Working on planning a trip to Samoa with Jan this spring break, and looking at international travel and volunteer for this summer. I'll even be back in time to teach a small glee class again!
Socially, I felt I wasn't making friends a few months ago. It was horribly depressing, being the social creature that I am. I am pleased to have reconnected with or met wonderful new people who are weaving into the fabric of my life (vomittttt, I know). I went to my first improv class last night, and enjoyed it immensely despite sucking. The biggest social news, however, is that I am dating, for the first time in my life. Not relationship-ing...dating. It turns out that this is what my parents wanted for me all along - to not tie myself down and commit so seriously, so young. I wasn't interested in it until very recently, but having a date on Friday night, and another one (WITH ANOTHER GUY) on Saturday morning is pretty sweet. Casually dating educated, handsome, polite men? I'm down.
It's not time to begin this yet, but I'll get on grad school apps in a few months. I am excited about what's next, but am mindfully enjoying what's going on now. Did I mention that work is great? Third quarter is my favorite.
I've spoken with a few college friends recently. It seems that what I was strongly feeling in October had manifested in most of our lives in one way or another. This isn't exactly joyous news, but it means we're having similar growing pains no matter what we're doing or who we are. We will all be stronger for it, and I can't wait to see everyone again. If you're reading this, I miss you all so, so much. Thank you for helping me out of my self-deprecating shell. :)
Oh yeah...I've started drinking beer...and I like a few varieties!
That's enough for now. I'll never sing my praises again, but for now, I am unexpectedly and whole-heartedly happy.
No comments:
Post a Comment